Accountability

People have to live with the evil they have done to others.
Ignoring it does not set it right,
Dennis

My 54th Year

  On February 21 I reached my 54th year of life. It did not arrive with a bang nor did I suddenly feel as if I crossed some temporal plane into a deeper awareness. I simply was.
I was alive and still maintained the full articulation of my limbs; although not as agile as I did the year before.  I will be the last to complain as to any state I am in for I have seen both poverty and prosperity and will never boast about either. I did experience a mixture of emotions concerning my birthday before it actually occurred. I reflected on so many things such as family, friends, broken relationships, re-newed acquaintances, God's plan for me and my own desires for my life.  I eventually was able to shake off the creeping cloud of despair and even found it possible to let go of the disdain that was in my heart towards certain situations I had experienced (Trust me, this is a daily feat for I have seen some things in my short life).  If I can say anything about my present emotional state I will say that I am in love; in love with those who occupy this dwelling with me, in love with life which has taken me, (and continues to lead me), on a journey filled with lesson after lesson. I am blessed to be attached to others outside of my family of origin who are not ashamed to reciprocate their love because they have learned that we are all but a small part of God's larger plan. I receive an overwhelming love from both near and afar and I am so blessed to have recognized this fact before I am in the thralls of old age and  impotence.
  Wonderful and fantastic things are occurring daily and simultaneously all around us. What a pity to be so congested with hatred, envy, bitterness and strife that this beauty is missed. When I was a child I sang a song in chorus which said, 

"No man is an island, no man walks alone. Each man's joy is joy to me, each man's grief is my own".  

  I cannot begin to express how I pray for an abundance; not that I may splurge it upon my own self, but so that I may bring an end to so much of the worry, pain,and suffering of so many of the Lord's children, my heartfelt friends, who are sincerely in need. I believe that within the "Body of Christ" we have everything we need. There should be no need for any of us to be in want or need because we should be our brother's keeper. I believe that the reason many of us do not give is because we have been jilted or taken advantage of by someone at sometime and we believe that others who approach us are only feigning hardship. I, too, have fallen into this mode of thinking at one time or another, but I have renewed my vow to God to try to be the best that I can to His people. I'm no fool, either. I also have asked Him to give me an eye to spot deception.

  There remains a need to confirm our faith daily and we can do this by being strong in our convictions, to be real in our friendships, and by not allowing ourselves to be so "holy" that we become a doormat for all who desire to spit on us again and again. Even Jesus knew when enough was enough. (read John 2:13-16).

  My 54th year had a great beginning. I have just who and what I am supposed to have and all that is to come will be brought in God's own time.

 Have a blessed and exciting weekend.

 Dennis





Whitney

Dreams are real as long as they last. Can we say more of life?

-Henry Ellis

  We say good-bye to another musical icon, Whitney Houston. Whitney was found dead in her hotel bath tub this weekend. Reasons for her death are still under investigation; however, that has not stopped the rumors from piercing the airways. Whatever the reason for our dear sister's death we should intentionally focus on her contribution to the music industry, and yes, to the impact of her music in our own lives. If we were to be honest we would confess that some of our most amorous evenings were consummated while Whitney crooned in the background. And which of us hasn't told that special one that I am "Saving all my love for you"?  And my sister, when you beat out the competition and were selected for that promotion or when you successfully raised your children singlehandedly and sent them to college, did you not proudly chant "I'm every Woman"? But Whitney did more than merely sing and perform world-wide. She became the mold in which so many of today's female artists were cast from. Whitney proved that one's dreams can come true if you only believe that you have what it takes to bring that dream to fruition. 

  Like Michael Jackson, James Brown, Teddy Pendergrass, Etta James and so many others who preceeded her in death, Whitney's life was not immune to scandal. And like all of us, she had her shortcomings which, at times, seemed to overshadow her successes. Just yesterday the tabloids were ablaze with reports of her drug abuse, drug rehab, her tumultuous marriage to singer Bobby Brown, and her violent mood swings. Today the world is singing her praises.  I cannot help but to wonder if these same praises would have been Whitney's saving grace before her astounding death.  (Now I am speculating), I can't help but wonder, did Whitney succoumb to a moment of depression for not having been a focal point of the Grammy affair? Or did she relaspe as some are guessing? And maybe, just maybe Whitney merely died. 

  Soon we will know the truth or perhaps we will never know. All I ask of myself is that I don't forget that she has left behind a heavily traumatized daughter, a grieving mother, a devastated ex-husband, and a myriad of family, friends, and fans who will always love Whitney...regardless.

 Ironically, the last song Whitney sang on stage with singer Kelly Price at the pre-Grammy party was "Jesus Loves Me".

God bless you, Whitney, and may your rest from your wars.

 Dennis     

My Butterfly Life

   "But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by men and despised by the people."
     -Psalms 22:6

 At the time of this writing I have yet to assign a title to this blog. I'll just type until the idea strikes me.  It's strange how the weather can oftentimes affect one's attitude. I am not a fan of the cold; however, I do like the rain. Summer is my best season, by far. Even though I sweat easily, it beats a shiver any day. I've been keeping myself very busy as of late. I can always find some way to exercise my body and my mind daily.  I am slowly losing weight in certain desired areas, but not as rapidly as I would like. I will be seeing another birthday soon and I count it a blessing to have been alive this far.  I have no true complaints concerning my life. Sometimes when things are going well for people they might unknowingly subscribe to destructive thoughts; also known as Self-fulfilling Prophecy.  Socialogist Robert K. Merton describes it as thus: The self-fulfilling prophecy is, in the beginning, a false definition of the situation evoking a new behaviour which makes the original false conception come 'true'.  In other words, people will cause themselves to believe that their good fortune, their happiness, their good health- is too good to be true so they will begin to behave in ways that will cause their present state to be altered; usually to the very thing they fear. 
  I have had relationships and encounters that have began as seemingly wonderful but metamorphosed into regrets. When I think back on some of them I cannot help but utter thanks to God for not allowing me to remain in that place. 
  If I boast about anything that I have obtained or any status I have attained I give all glory to God for allowing it to be so for me, and I feel completely good about it. (I know there are many of you who can testify to some of the same things I have been through). I used to be sad and embarrased about my impoverished beginnings. I've written about my past several times and I smile with a heartfelt warmth at the many ways that only God provided for me and/or my family.  This is why I deeply love so many of my friends God has brought into my life.  These are people who once knew what it was to be without the basest of needs and although they are faring much better today, they never forget where they came from. These are people who are not high-minded nor do they walk about with an attitude of superiority. These very same people strive to live right by others and are wise enough to realize that God always has their backs when ever they are wronged by others. I can talk to them about nearly everything; my hurts, my joys, my political opinions, my dreams; and they are never harsh towards me nor do they shut me out if they disagree with me. 
  Everyone should have such friends as these God has given me. They have made me feel complete in my being and my life is full in so many ways because of them. I was once a worm; a caterpillar. I was looked on with disdain by many but now I am flying high.  Today, this very hour, I pray God's abundant blessings upon all of my friends and all those they love.  Let us all pray for one another in love.
Have a great day.
Dennis

Written with My Heart

"Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." Job 5:7

  The sky is foggy, extremely overcast. I am up early. I took a prescription sleep-aid last night so that I could get some sleep; a reprieve from my surging dreams. But it rarely works, for I am still inundated with a cavalcade of visions; some more of a premonition than merely dreams. They are vivid, my dreams. I see them clearly and in color. I can feel, taste, and smell my environment and I am only assuaged when I awaken; however, I remain pensive, watchful, and vigilant in my waking hours.
  I relegated myself to a sabbatical from Facebook for personal reasons. I have a penchant for expressing my innermost thoughts on paper. I tell myself that it is a form of therapy for me, but the truth is that I often feel compelled to speak on certain things due to the belief that someone may need assurance or comfort or confirmation in a certain situation. No, I do not profess to be a prophet in any way but I do believe that there are things I say that are inspired by a higher power. 
  I looked at the news this morning and I see tornadoes heading towards Birmingham and Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The Republican debates are surging to worrisome proportions, Iran is acting up again and I fear there may be a bombing there soon which will lead to another war, and people are dying everywhere. What point am I making?  That life goes on, whether we live or die, and while we yet live on this earth we must do our part in it as we are assigned to do by God.
  I am still on my sabbatical. No, I am not covered in sackcloth and ash; nor am I sitting under a Juniper tree.  My meditation comes throughout my days. I do not verbally commune with anyone concerning my innermost thoughts, but I speak to God at all times.  The greatest temptation has been to be still and allow things to unfold as they are ordained and to not make comment of them. I am also being introspective concerning myself; as to why I pull away from those who offend me and build walls. I have learned that pain is a part of life and I continue to find ways to deal with it. Sometimes the Lord is my only friend and it is because of Him I can prevail.
  This day my thoughts and prayers go out to my dearest friends who are seeking direction, answers, and comfort in their lives. To those who are seemingly alone in the decisions they are forced to make, please know that you are not alone.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1

 You are not alone. Not only is God near you and in you but those loved ones who have gone on before you are looking down from heaven and cheering you on. Your parents are proud of you. Your brother and sister are rooting for your successes. Your son and your daughter are lingering in your heart, hoping that you still feel their love and their presence.  My fervent prayer on this day is that you find contentment in your being; that you allow grace to compel you to continue to fight the good fight of faith. And by all means do remember; It's not all about you.

  I love you all,

  Dennis 

His Name Was Martin

"His name was Martin Luther King. He died so all men could be free".
Victor Spain

  I sat in my room watching a documentary about Martin Luther King, Jr. on television this afternoon. It was hosted by Tom Brokaw and a litany of people, both celebrity and common folk, who had interacted with MLK at some time or another either by personal contact or by proxy. As often as I have viewed documentaries about King I am still appalled at the footage of beatings at sit-ins, water hoses being turned on blacks, dogs mauling  black men and women, open Klan activity and racist city officials. I do not hate any race of people for I know that ignorance played a large part of the shameful actions of many people back then; however I do hate the racial ignorance which continues to permeate in this day and age.
  I often recant as to how I truly did not know racism until I joined the military. I grew up as an "Army brat" whose friends were the color of a rainbow. When I joined the Army I experienced how men would judge you because of your color. I recall how in 1995 I was stationed in Alaska and held the job as the brigade signal (communications) chief. After I had been there for some time we received a new Signal officer who was white and from Seattle, Washington. He had a bad habit of referring to white people as "thinkers" and black people as "workers". He would use profanity in the presence of my female soldiers and they came to me to report their disdain concerning this. When I privately approached him concerning his profanity and his labeling of people, he smiled and said "I couldn't understand what you are feeling even if I put black shoe polish on my face". And then he laughed.
  I reported this conversation to the higher chain of command and they responded as they felt was necessary. They relieved me of my duties as the Battalion Signal Chief and left the racist captain in his position. I knew that it was time to leave the military.
  Over the years, in spite of having witnessed several blatant racist acts, I have held on to the belief that not all white people are as evil as some I have encountered during my lifetime. I am proud to say that I love all people; even though I may deplore the acts they commit, both black and white. I am not so naive as to believe that only those who look as I do have my best interest at heart for we are all just people.
  I do ask that on this special day we all will look a little deeper under our skin and discover that we are all in this together.
 I love you all.
 Dennis

It's A New Life For Me

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
-Philippians 4:12

I was up early again today. It's sometimes good for me not to sleep in because even though I do not always have a set schedule, I can easily find the time to do things around town or around the house. I bought a new yard tool on Sunday that is for pulling weeds and crab grass. I used it in the front yard for nearly an hour yesterday and it works great. There is still much more to do, but I am looking forward to it. I love a work in progress. It's probably how God feels about observing us.  I had subconsciously planned to "take the day off" and watch some movies in my theater room. but the sky is very overcast and rain is highly anticipated sometime today, so I re-filled the bird feeder and replenished the hummingbird nectar near the pool.  The scripture is true as it states "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.
  I was reminded as to how impoverished I was as a child. I often recall, (especially in the years following my mother's death), how little we had to eat or how little clothing we had to wear. I remember having only two pair of underwear and while I wore one clean pair I had to hand wash the second pair and hang them inside on a door to dry while I was at school. And if I happened to forget to wash them the previous night I had to wash them in the morning and then hang them on a hanger in front of the oven so they would be dry enough to wear to school. Sometimes they would get a little scorched, but what the heck, at least they were clean. I had to do the same with my socks. My siblings and I continued in this process for several years until it was no longer considered a hardship, but instead, the norm.  Sometimes I purposely reflect on those barren times and it makes me all the more thankful when I consider where God has brought me from. I will never forget those times. 
  It's easy to look at someone today who is suffering as I did and want to bring them out of their despair. It is also easy to formulate the opinion that everyone is seeking their pie in the sky, just as I was. Life has shown me that this is far from the truth. Jesus said "The poor you will have with you always but you will not always have me." (Matthew 26:11).  He spoke these words in regards to his upcoming death, but that we can continue to show our love for Him by caring for the poor. But there are some who are not poor by life's circumstances, but rather, by choice. There was a time in my life that I was a very bad steward of money. I did not consider the monthly obligations that I had incurred and often I would overindulge in things that I did not need or merely wanted; all the while knowing that I had priorities to satisfy. My bad stewardship led to borrowing from others on a regular basis, getting trapped in the "advanced check cashing" cycle, bank overdrafts and stiff penalties, and the discontinuation of electrical, water, telephone services and even eviction notices.  I vowed that something had to change and by God's grace I was able to focus on what type of life the Lord desired me to live. 
  I sit here alone at my kitchenette table with a cup of coffee, watching the rain now pouring down through the windows. I am a man of few friends, (I used to believe that it was because I was so difficult to get along with, but it is also largely because I don't appreciate my life becoming so dis-organized by others that I begin to feel powerless), and the friends I do have are mostly via email or an occasional telephone call. Don't get me wrong; I love people, I just don't enjoy being around them too much. For me, its easier to accept the idiosyncrasies of others that way.  I suppose we all have our own method of dealing with things.
  I'm going to go and enjoy the day. I pray that you will be able to do the same.
 Take care.
 Dennis