On The Edge Of The New Year

  This is possibly the hardest blog I have ever written. I have some family who dislike the fact that I blog and they are sometimes bothered at how transparent and open my writings sometimes can be. It's sort of like when the celebrity, Bill Cosby, took a change from comedy and began to speak of the terrible plight of the Black Family in America. Although he was accurate in his admonishments and criticisms, many African Americans chided Mr. Cosby "for airing blacks folk's dirty laundry".  I thought it was sad that people would want to censor his words of truth simply because it embarrassed them. I admit that I almost stopped blogging because of the feelings of others, but then I was reminded that I was always this way; outspoken and unashamed in every vocation I had ever undertaken. 

  Perhaps it began with the position I maintained in my family of origin. I was the 6th born out of seven children; the knee-baby, as some would call it.  I was a small child and my existence was overshadowed by three other siblings, the twins who came before me and my sister who came after me. I had no doubt my parents loved me just as equally but this fact did not preclude me from striving to be the best in everything I undertook. Whether it was singing, dancing, academics, art; I gave it my all.  
  Many years later while stationed in Germany I became an ordained minister. I suffered ridicule concerning my "unorthodox" ways when I was the pastor of my first Baptist church in a small town in Oklahoma.  Several surrounding church pastors spoke their disdain at my not being the type of Baptist preacher they were accustomed to. They were right. I was not a Baptist preacher, nor Methodist nor Church of God in Christ for that matter. I just wanted people to be free and receive every good thing God had for them. It mattered not what color you were, how much money you made, (or didn't make), I merely wanted people to openly show genuine love for each other.  My zeal for God was unmoved by the opinion of others; even some of the members in my own congregation. I recall a time when the city had a rash of young people being killed due to drug activity. We were in church one Sunday and the night before there had been another young man killed in our streets. As I stood at the pulpit before the sermon was to be preached my heart was moved in a most awesome way. I then said to the church that I was tired of the killings and how we were called to do more than cower in the safety of our buildings. With that being said, I asked those who were strong enough to be with me to follow me.  I walked down from the pulpit, out of the church, and led my congregation, singing, around the corner to an area known for prostitution and drinking and drugs. We formed a circle in the street between two of the "clubs" and I preached an uncripted sermon from the center. We later left that area and returned to the church still singing and praising God, and in our midst were two women, both who were prostitutes and drug addicts, that had left that area with us and were crying and praising God for bringing them the message of salvation and saving their souls.  I was later criticized by the other ministers for not getting a permit from the city to hold services outdoors. However; the local police were grateful for our efforts.  I learned a long time ago that it is better to obey God than man.
  As an Army sergeant I was also motivated to excel beyond the norm. I loved perfection and I sought to teach my soldiers to be the same. It was not "normal" for a senior NCO to love, defend and care for his troops as much as I did. I believed in a soldier working a grade level above what was pinned on his collar. I enjoyed watching my young soldiers stand toe-to-toe with other soldiers of higher rank and always winning.  My troops were not like a family to me; they were my family. Never had I ever associated with a group of men who loved and looked out for one another with such sincerity and courage. While stationed in Germany a second time I and my soldiers were called up to war. We survived Desert Storm; physically at least. I always hoped that my soldiers fared better after the war than I did.
  Tomorrow is New Year's Eve. We stand on the horizon ready to see the new year unfold. No one truly knows who will see the end of 2012.  As for me, I am not afraid to live or die.  I believe the Apostle Paul when he said "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21).  Unlike some, I am thankful for the medium of Facebook. It has placed me in touch with so many friends, old and new.  They have shared in my happiest moments and have been a comfort to me in my times of despair, loneliness and pain.  My heart was grievously broken the other day and my Facebook friends were there for me with their prayers and sincere concern. I truly do love you all.  I do not know what the future holds but I do know who holds the future.  May God keep each and every one of you up to the New Year and beyond. Please be safe.
Dennis    

Thoughts Close To Christmas

  Today has been a good day. For the first time in a long while I truly felt retired this morning and very much alive and attuned to everything around me.  No doubt it has something to do with the time of season; Christmas.  Earlier this morning I reflected back on my younger life; a time when I was so ignorant as to what Christmas was truly about. I spent more than I could afford to spend buying expensive and excessive gifts for myself and my then spouse. I am in such a different frame of mind in my elder years as I still believe in gift-giving, but not in the excessive, hollow manner in which I used to do. Largely it's because I have truly been living the old adage, "Every day is Christmas". This year I have been given the gift of friends; true friends. Some of them I have been associating with for many years. Others I have recently reconnected with via the social network. I have some of the best friends ever!

  I talked with a friend from my pre-military days, Colon, this morning. It has been years since we communicated and we spoke for an hour on the phone. Perhaps longer. My dear friend, Marlyce has been heavy on my mind for quite some time. Some of you may remember that she and her husband had lost two children in a span of months this year. (I wrote "Autumn leaves" on 8/15/11 in honor of her daughter and friend, Autumn). Many of us have experienced loss of family and thereby can testify that the pain never truly dissipates but only lies dormant within us until triggered by an occasion, a smell, a memory or deafening silence. I pray my heart to tears for my friends who have lost loved ones.

  My brother, Alfred had a successful throat surgery a week ago. My other siblings; Junior, Victor, Vernon, Joyce and Cynthia are all blessed to breathe air today.

  I love so many people today. I have my health, my family, (both family of origin and extended family), I have food, clothing, shelter, a son who never tires of hugging me and telling me that he loves me. Although I lie down each night knowing that I have no ill will towards anyone it still wounds me when I am grieveously attacked; especially by those who claim to love me. I pray to have a heart of forgiveness.
  Have a very Merry Christmas and try not to get lost in the fanfare.
  I love you all.
  Dennis

With A Cup Of Coffee And Peace

 I bought a new mattress the other day and I can easily say that it has helped me to sleep better than I have in a very long time. I still dream, but I have not woken up at 2:00 AM and not been able to succumb to slumber again. David came into my room and gave me a hug before getting on his school bus. Later, I heard the wife pull out of the garage on her way to work. I lay in bed for another half hour contemplating the days gone by as well as the day ahead. Later I got up and brewed some coffee. I drank from my "Retired" Army mug as I perused my Facebook friends on the computer. I am happy that so many are doing well, but my heart goes out to my Army buddy, Don, who has an ill Uncle. Don is hurting because of this and it makes my heart ache, as well.

I read the 10th chapter of Matthew in my Bible at the breakfast table. I will forever be amazed at the words and instructions of Jesus. So many ministries have gotten away from the simplicity of the Gospel which is to love your neighbor as yourself. I must confess that I have been somewhat despondent  because I have been dealing with situations involving people who like to use others and my own giving until it hurts; only to end up feeling used and unappreciated in the things I do. It's happened before and I always say "no more", but I break my own rules. Reading my Word was comforting because I  became invigorated knowing that God will provide for me even when I do not know where that provision will come from.
 All that we possess will one day be burned away or rotted. The true thing that remains is love. I do not want to miss that lesson...ever.
Have a great day.
Dennis

Early Tuesday Morning

 He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.
Micah 6:8

  I've been immersed in deep thought these past few weeks. (Some battles are fought more effectively within). I have discovered that it is not in my nature to feel at ease when everything is going well for me. I am often kept awake by thoughts of so many friends and family whom I wish I could do more to help them through their situations. Yes, I realize that it what prayer is for but that doesn't keep me from still wanting to do my part. It is easy for a person to develop an attitude of "me first" and to think of no more than storing up treasures, (money, material possessions), for themselves only and to let the rest of the world fend for themselves. It is easy to see how evil desires can sprout in one's life in such a subtle manner and before you realize it you are consumed with greed, avarice, and vanity.
  It's almost December, and before we know it a new year will be upon us. Which of us will see the end of 2012? How many loved ones will we bid farewell to that we are now able to hold, love, and cherish. Personally, I have been challenged to prove that I can be a good man. This challenge does not come from my wife, siblings, or any other association; but from spiritual wicknedness in high places. Therefore I find it necessary to cover myself in prayer and to be watchful in all I say and do. These are not actions of a man who is suffering from some sort of paranoia, but from a desire to be good in the sight of his God.  And if I can achieve this status, all other things will fall into place.  I could elaborate more but I won't at this time.
Love your neighbor, but watch out for your own soul.
I love you all.
Dennis

Just A Few Thoughts

  I started to write a blog about all of the recent deaths which have been occurring on our watch lately, but as I perused through the Facebook pages of many of my friend's I was clearly aware that nearly everyone was up on what I intended to write about. And that is good for I am also certain that many of you are seeing what I am seeing; the actual end of an era. 

  For some of us, our children are seeing the resurgence in music, clothes, and even phrases which are in no way new to us but you can't convince them that you already did that back in the day.  For certain, there is nothing new under the sun.

  Today I am very watchful and pensive. I am watching our "acquaintances" who were actors, singers, boxing champions, rappers, cartoonists, computer geniuses, commentators and more leave our presence at an alarmingly fast rate.  We need to be sure to love one another with a real love and cherish the beauty of relationships.
I hope your day is great.
Dennis

Staying Above The Gutter

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men".  Matthew 5:18

 We were at a restaurant the other night and my wife had ordered one of her favorite dishes. A little into her meal she decided to season her dish with the salt that was provided on the table. Unfortunately, it was sea salt. She used the salt anyway but after several shakes she could not get the desired taste for her dish. Finally I flagged down the waiter and asked if they had regular table salt. He promptly returned with a small bowl of the coveted granules in which my wife used straightaway and was immediately satisfied. "Now that's salt", she exclaimed.
 It's like that in our everyday lives. We are continually surrounded by rude, insensitive, and obnoxious people. Even as we attempt to be the best person we can possibly be these individuals are consistently evil and seemingly unlovable.  It is so easy to give in to the inclination to render the same brashness to them that they deliver to you but that is exactly what we are not to do. These people are hurting and are products of something that went very badly in their lives that we may never know about. They need to be rescued from their misery and we have the heart to pull them out of the fire.   We do not do this by accepting their unwarranted behavior, but we win them by keeping ourselves on the straight and narrow and not submitting to the thought of hopelessness.
 Just as my wife could not be satisfied with the salt substitute on the restaurant table, we cannot be content in being the "packaged Christian" that the world is promoting. You know what I mean; the type who prays on Sunday and curses people out on Monday. We must be authentic in all we do.
 I ask that you seek out such a person in your life today who is hurting and lonely and unhappy. Bless them with an unexpected gift, give them a compliment that they are not expecting to receive, (I'm certain there is something good about them that you can find). Let your light shine so that others will see God through you.
 Have a great and productive day and try to make a difference in the world around you.
 Dennis

Taking Your Life Back

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched... but are felt in the heart.

Helen Keller

 I spent a great amount of time last night thinking about friends and family. That's not unusual for me to do but last night was exceptional.  The thoughts followed me into my very dreams and were still with me as I awoke this morning.  I talk to a good amount of people throughout the week; either via phone, text, or email.  I listen intently to every conversation I am involved in and afterwards I actually meditate on the substance of what was said from the different interactions I have had.  All in all, I recognize a constant theme in what I am hearing from several different people, in different locations, in different situations, and in different time zones concerning their lives; there is an evident attack on the institution called Family.  The "enemy", be it spiritual or fleshly, is not concerned at what tender age your child may be, how long you have been in a relationship with someone, or if you have already suffered one or more devastating events in your life; the intent is to destroy all hopes of you ever truly experiencing happiness and fulfillment in this lifetime.  The lie being spoken is that "No one is truly happy so you shouldn't expect to live that fantasy".  The truth is that there are an abundance of happy people all around us.  I interact with them everyday in some way or another. These are people who have learned what the true meaning of "friendship" is.  These are those who do not measure their success by the material possessions they acquire or the company they keep.  These are they who have sincerely learned to live in this world uncontrolled by so much of the degradation and prejudice and malice and hatred it tends to foster.  

 I am still dismayed at the inability so many people have to do something as simple as to forgive themselves.  "He who is without sin let him throw the first stone", said Jesus.  Yes, I admit there are many people out there throwing a heck of a lot of stones, (you would think they own a rock quarry).  But they are hypocrites and they are not to be paid attention to except as examples of what not to be like and if you are wise you would distance yourself from them immediately. The truth is that some people spend so much of their time re-living their past mistakes, beating themselves up over and over again for that "unbelievable thing" that they did. Eventually they actually believe that God will not, and could not, forgive them either.  But we are so much weaker than God.  I have learned that if no one else will forgive me, I must forgive myself in order to believe in my heart that God actually has forgiven me.

We have so much good to experience and do in such a short life.  Some of us will be given many years to do our tasks, some only a short time. Being cognizant of this, with every new morning I encourage myself to see each day as extraordinary; taking no encounter for granted; regardless as to how small it may seem.  I do not profess to know what principles were ingrained into your spirit as you grew, (and as some are still growing); however, I will be as bold as to say that the very principles which brought you into the light of right doing, compassion and love are still available and are still just as valid as back then.  Instill these principles in your children, your marriages, your relationships and on your jobs.  Love more than only the people who look like you look, talk as you do, and hang out in the same corners you hang out in.  And above all remember, Love is not weak.

 Have a great day.

Dennis

 

A Change Of Weather

                                               Vernon, Cynthia, Wilbert Jr, & Alfred
                                               
It was quiet today. I attended a couple of appointments at the VA, (all is good), and finally got the opportunity to go and have lunch with my wife at her job. It was a pleasent break in the middle of the afternoon.  Afterwards I went to my favorite store, Wal Mart, to get a few needed items and I was off to the house to await David's arrival from school. His class had a field trip to an area that annually sponsors Hearts at Halloween, a Christian-based organization that allots for a safe and fun-filled trick or treat party for Special Needs children. David was happy as he got off his school bus with his large bag of candy and prizes, but he easily handed the bag to me, gave me a hug, and went upstairs to change. He will not desire one piece of the treasure trove he carted home, but it was just the idea of participating in the event.
 My adopted sister, Yvette, called me from Atlantic City. She and some friends are vacationing there for a few days. Yvette, (and her brother, Ron), are my dear family who recently lost both of their parents within a year. It has been difficult for them but they are both driving through the storm. Yvette has vowed to fully live her life and I am so very proud of her. I asked her to make time on her busy schedule to plan a visit this way. It is always good to see her.
 My brother, Alfred, called from North Carolina this evening. He and his wife, Phyllis, are baby-sitting their granddaughter. Al's voice is very hoarse due to an inpatient procedure he has to have on his larynx, but it was good hearing from him, as always. He and one of the twins, Vernon, from South Carolina may be joining me and the family here this weekend as we welcome our baby sister, Cynthia, from Memphis.
 The skies were cloudy all day and it began to sprinkle later this afternoon. My wife called to ask if I would like her to bring me home some fried fish for dinner. I love fish and I greedily accepted her offer.  (She just walked in the door).
 My day has been quiet but content. I see God's hands in it all. I pray that your day is as fulfilling as mine.
I love you all.
Dennis

Carol

 I lost another dear friend the other day. Her name was Carol and she recently lost a valiant fight against cancer. I first met Carol when I began working at the Business Office at the Louisville, Kentucky VA nearly 2 years ago. Carol had been a veteran employee there for many years and was very popular among many because of her gentle spirit and blunt, but funny, sense of humor.  She was the biggest Louisville Cardinal fan I had ever met. Carol was the type of person who made me proud that I shed the dogma of organized religion and began to love people for who they are; not  for what they professed to be.  Carol was a real person and I admired the friendship we shared. Carol showed people that it was never a hard thing to love. I left Kentucky soon after Carol became ill. I know there will be so many that will touch her and tell her how much she was loved.  Hey Carol; when you see my mother, my father, and my son in Heaven give them a big hug for me.
May God keep us all. 
Dennis  

Getting It Right From This Day On

  My eyes opened at 4:20 A.M. I knew that my slumber was over but still I attempted to coerce myself back to sleep. I made a quick trip to the bathroom but still, even that did not help me return to sleep. I attempted to extract some conversation from my wife but she only sighed heavily, wrapped her arms around my torso, (which I understood meant "be quiet") and was soon lost in her dreams again; leaving me wide awake and alone with my thoughts. So I just lay there and I wrote in my mind.

 Much has transpired over the past few days. Yes, I meant to say days.  I always said that it doesn't take God all day to work and I have been viewing so many of His wonders at an exponentially high rate recently. There are some things I would love to share with you, my friends, but they are acts that should be kept close to my chest because they were things that were done in secret and I do not wish to be rewarded openly by man's praise.  I will tell you that I have had the opportunity to meet some people whom I know were placed directly in my path by none but God, alone. And it's not always about what you can receive, but more importantly as to what you can give.  I have been as a child in a candy store watching my own progression; I do not want to label it as a higher level, there is too much of that talk talk going around and it has somewhat lessened the impact of what I am currently experiencing in my life. Instead, I will classify it as a new direction.  

 As I lay in bed awake I recalled the young married couple I knew in which the wife was a very promiscuous woman. She was deeply immersed in her world of adultery and did not have the power, (nor the desire), to rid herself of her lascivious demons. To compound the situation, she knew she had a husband who loved her and adored her, but alas, she continued in her secret ways that are too painful and shameful to recant.  In her vain attempt to assuage her guilt she sought to "buy" God's grace by giving to her church more than she and her poor husband could afford. Whenever her husband received a bonus from his job or they received a tax return or even their proceeds from something as simple as a yard sale she would give it all to the church.  This proved most futile for her scandalous acts eventually led to separation, sickness, disease, and finally death.  You cannot purchase grace because it is freely given.

 Have you ever wanted to obtain perfection even as you lived in a body of imperfection?  The beauty of it all is that God does not expect us to be blameless; without a spot or blemish, in this life.  That expectation comes from man and man alone. We make our lives so unbearably hard by placing unobtainable standards on ourselves, and when we fall short of the mark we drown ourselves in woes and tears and the assassination of our character.  Stop this madness and live!  Realize that you are a part of God's tapestry and therefore you are never alone, never far from help, always in sight.  So many of you have sparked such love in my heart just this week alone.  I've spoken to several of you on the telephone; many via email, text or Facebook message.  One thing is constant; I am glad to be a part of your life in this life.  You are doing some very good things out there; don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.  You are making great strides in becoming a better you every day and your gifts often spill over into the lives of others, even as you are unaware.  It's time to celebrate the goodness that you bring. Enough has been said about your shortcomings.  Whatever is ailing you, whatever is troubling you-shake it off and drive on to make this day, and all of your days, great.

I love you all.

Dennis

   

Just Thinking

“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
― George Bernard Shaw 

I'm sitting outside the poolside in the back yard. The weather is sunny, the birds are noisily singing, and there is a slight, pleasant breeze blowing. It is too cool to actually take a dip right at the moment but I haven't quite ruled it out. It's Friday and anything is possible. I have been following the Conrad Murray trial with an intensity this week. He is the physician who is accused of killing the King of Pop, Michael Jackson. The whole affair is so sad and it touches my spirit so deeply. I have only been living a little over 50 years and yet so much has occurred in so short a time. It is very thought-provoking when you look at it in this manner, don't you agree? All the more reason to cherish every moment of every day.  I asked myself "Where were Michael's family throughout all of this madness"?  A friend reminded me that Michael had chosen to seclude himself from certain people. I was immediately reminded how I had done the same at times in my life for various reasons; especially if someone close to me had hurt me badly and I felt I did not deserve such hostility from them. Even now I still choose to remain apart from certain people who have proven to be intentionally, (or mentally), malicious, but I never desire to be separated from my siblings ever again.  I do not believe anyone could love me more than my family.
 As I watch the hummingbirds feed out of the nectar feeder I have hung in the corner of the yard I am feeling serene, at peace, and in control. I glance around my empty yard and envision people playing horseshoes and badminton and that soon my pool will be filled with splashing, swimming children and adults. My grill will be fully assembled and billowing out smoke from ribs, burgers, and chicken. The wicker bar near the wall will be surrounded by laughing friends and I will be smiling. 
Enjoy life to the fullest.
I love you all.
Dennis

Stan's Visit

 It was raining that day and I decided to take a break from my errands an get myself some much needed lunch.  Later, as I was standing in line in the fast food restaurant, a small, scruffy gentleman in front of me with unkempt hair wearing a dirty green Army trench coat, plaid brown paints and a pair of old work boots had just ordered his lunch and apparently was a bit short on the cost.  "You can just add it to my order", I said to the clearly agitated cashier.  The man snatched his bag off the counter, barely looked my way as he hurried off and said "'pre shate dat, man".  "No problem", I replied, and proceeded with my own order.  The meal was good and as I sat and ate I utilized my time to reflect on some things that were worthwhile and wholesome.  As I stepped outside to go to my car I noticed the same fellow from inside the restaurant line standing on the corner. It was still raining, and more heavier than earlier. I pulled up beside him and asked him if he needed a ride someplace.  He stated that he was desiring to go to see his son about a couple of miles down the road.  I told him to hop in and I would be glad to give him a lift. "I ain't got no gas money" he blurted out. (Apparently he had forgotten that I was the man who paid the balance on his lunch).  "That's not a problem. I have enough gas", I said.  Without further hesitation he climbed in my car.  I introduced myself to him and he told me his name was Stan and that he had lived here all his life.  He did not seem to want to talk about too much else and I did not push him.  He just stayed wrapped up in his Army green trench coat and looked out the passenger window.  "Just tell me when we get to your son's house", I said.  We listened to music in silence along the way. 
 I'm not the best judge of distance, but I was certain we had driven further than a couple of miles. In fact, it was more like 5 miles.  I was just about to ask Stan if he was perhaps lost when he suddenly said "You can let me off right here".  I quickly, but safely, pulled my car off to the side of the road.  Although I was not familiar with the area I could easily see that it was basically an abandoned district. We had stopped in front of an old rotted out structure that seemed to have been a corner store at one time.  Similar deserted structures were to the left and right of it.  "Stan", I said softly, "Your son lives here?"  Stan had opened the passenger door and was standing out in the pouring rain.  He leaned over and said "I didn't tell you my son lived here. I told you I wanted to go see my son."  And with that he shut the car door.  I was perplexed, but curious as to what exactly was going on at this moment in my life so I kept my car in park and watched Stan.  I watched him as he walked around the back of my car and continued across the road to another torn down structure.  I could now see that at one time it was a church.  Stan walked to the left of the structure to a sparsely wooded area where at least a dozen headstones protruded from the ground in various shapes and sizes.  He walked until he stopped in front of one particular headstone.  Instantly I understood what my mysterious new companion would not, (or could not), convey in words and tears streamed down my face as if I had lost one of my own loved ones all over again.  I opened my car door and went to the trunk of my car and retrieved my umbrella.  I opened it and walked over to where Stan stood. "Here Stan. Take this", I said quietly.  "I'll be waiting in the car to take you home when you're ready."  Stan took the umbrella and halfway looked at me and said, "Pre shate dat, man".
I love you all,
Dennis

      

Bye-Bye School

 Today has been an uneventful, albeit productive, day.  I had much more energy than the previous day and was able to get going with my duties far earlier, as well.  When I have it in mind for specific things to get accomplished I do not truly rest until they are done and such was the case with my list today.  Thankfully, all parties involved showed up as planned and the anticipated tasks were completed in a timely and satisfied manner.  I have not exactly exhaled, but I am near chill status; if there is one for me.
 My son, David, (whom I have mentioned on various occasions), is my weekly calendar; among other things.  Each morning he lets me know what day of the week it is without fail.  It's as if he is performing a count-down to Friday, the day he loves so much.  As I have mentioned before, David is an unbelievably obedient child.  He never complains, he tells me that he loves me randomly throughout the day, he will go to bed when told without so much as a whine, and he loves us unconditionally.  Those who have had the pleasure of meeting our son have found these attributes to be most true.   
 David also acknowledges when he has completed a certain phase.  When he has eaten his dinner he says "All done". When we have been out shopping for long hours and are headed home he will bow down and say "The end". And when he has finished going to a medical appointment such as the dentist or the doctor he will say "bye-bye dentist" or "bye-bye doctor", respectfully.  Today, after being released from his school bus he came into the house and looked at me with a big smile and wide eyes and said "Bye-bye school. Change clothes now."
 Isn't it amazing how a child is able to sum up the end of a work week in a ways an adult cannot?  In this simple, yet profoundly impactful manner, David informed me that he was finished with the toils of the week and was now ready to release himself from it; both mentally and physically, and enter into another phase of his life which consisted of leisure, enjoyment, lounging and a purposeful remission of strictness.  David has successfully mastered the art of separating work from play.  He has, and still is, teaching me to let go of stressors that will be here on Monday and to allow myself to lay down my ever-vigilant shield and enjoy my life, if but for a little while.  I have been admonished by more than one to take time to relax and become less rigid, but for me rigid is good. For when I am this way I am doing something worthwhile and constructive; and I often find enjoyment in my own way.  Perhaps many of us are similar in this manner.
 But I've said enough on this overcast Friday. Have a great weekend. Bye-bye work and bye-bye school.
 Love you all,
 Dennis  

Speaking From A New Place

 The new journey has begun.   I sit outside of my new abode waiting for my little man to come home from school. David gets off his school bus with such a great big smile and I am so happy he has matriculated into his new environment so well.  I try to communicate with him along the way so as to keep him from any surprises.  I am enjoying feeling the refreshing, cool breeze blow all around me. I am so relaxed that I nearly feel sedated.  I am somewhat proud of myself for having gone for so long without access to my computer.  I often wondered how I would fare if I were not able to read my email or blog or check in on Facebook on a daily basis.  It's not as bad as I thought, and besides, people who are busier than I am do not get on that much anyway.
 The new surroundings are nice; but then again, isn't that just like God?  There are several things I had forseen prior to arriving here that are already coming to pass. This is a very exciting time for us all.
 Fortunately I was not on-line during the 9/11 anniversary. It wasn't until recently that I even allowed myself to venture away from the house each year on that day. I've gotten much better about it now but it was a crazy time for me back then. I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the towers fell.  I had retired from the Army and was working as an administrator at a juvenile detention facility in Cincinnati, Ohio. I recall how angry I had become as I watched the planes collide into, and later bring down, the Twin Towers on television. The next day I was prompted to write a letter to the editorial department of the Cincinnati Herald newspaper. The letter was printed and largely read on the campus.  I remember becoming angry again when some of my "fellow" co-workers criticized me for selling out to "this country", as they put it.  I served 24 hard years in the military and served alongside of some of the best men one could ever meet and call "brother". We defended our way of life on soil, both foreign and domestic, so that Americans could travel freely, eat ice cream at night, walk the streets, shop at Wal Mart, have BBQ dinners with friends, watch Sunday Night Football; and a host of things other countries can only dream about. I am proud to have done my part. Yes, I have scars from my service, but those scars made me a better man in so many ways.  So to those who laugh at my patriotism I say "Ignorance isn't bliss, its just plain old stupid".  
It's good to talk with you again.
Dennis 

Waiting to Belong Again

It's just a matter of time now.  I am at the airport in Charleston, S.C. waiting to complete my final leg of my trip. I drove the Stang down and am returning to get the family.  As I await this newest change in my life to take hold I can't help but to think of how much I miss my "environment".  I am not a fan of transition; especially if it involves my being forced to exist in a neutral situation.  You see, I'm not one to go out, except to a movie or two or a restaurant for dinner, and I don't particularly care for large crowds.  Over the years I have made certain that I furnish my home with any and every thing I need in order to be comfortable, entertained, and self-sufficient. And I'm not just that way when it comes to creature comforts.  If I need to borrow an item from a neighbor that simply lets me know that I need to get my own.  What's wrong with that? Nothing as far as I can see.  I'm the type of person who would rather not regularly loan out my yard tools or my movies or anything else I consider of importance or value, because if the borrower happens to break a tool or loan out my item to a third party or even slightly damage the item, I could not bring myself to having them replace it.  I'm just that way.   It's not that I value things over people, (those of you who know me can atttest to that), but not everyone takes care of your things as if they were their own.  (Or perhaps they do and that's why they break, damage or lose them).   Be honest, have you ever had a neighbor who "borrowed" everything from a cup of sugar, a bar of soap, or even a roll of toilet paper and never returned anything?  Why do they always say, "can I borrow"?  They should just be honest and say "Give me such-and-such because you know I'm not bringing a darn thing back".  I could respect that as opposed to a lie. How do you return a slice of bread anyway? And after they borrow all of your goods they soon get paid and throw a cook-out with friends and music and drinking and some of everything and they don't even invite you; let alone pay you back.  I can hear some of your overly benevolent hearts saying, "We must care for the poor and the more unfortunate".  Yes, I am all for that, but most of these folks are neither poor nor unfortunate, just lazy. To be brutally honest they are users; takers.  They ride around poor all the day long looking for a way to get what you have worked so hard to acquire. .   And it's really pitiful when they call themselves a child of God and never show any kind of fruit.  If you are in a relationship with God your tree will bear fruit, and in turn you will bless others.  I sincerely believe aliens from another world have come to planet earth and these type people are they!  
 You are probably wondering what has caused me to be in such a mood. I told you that I didn't like displacement and you are getting a first hand feel as to what I am like when I don't have my stuff.  But am I telling the truth or what?  I rest my case.
Lord, save me from this limbo.
Have a great day.
Dennis   

Janice's Tribute

My sister-in-law, Janice Franklin-Spain, who is married to my brother, Victor, wrote the following letter to our mother, Helen Spain, in celebration of her birthday on August 31. Although my mother has been with the Lord for quite some time I still miss her. We all do. Janice has only met her through the faces of all seven of Helen's children and I thought I would share her amazing love she has grown to have for her. Happy Birthday, mom. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GOD’S GIFT TO ME

Today the Angels in Heaven are celebrating because it is the day 77 years ago GOD presented one of his best creations born on earth. Mrs. Helen May Virginia Freeman.

Although I never met her, I often pray that she can hear me saying thank you for allowing to the honor of being her daughter- in-law. I feel she is my gift from GOD.

During her short wonderful life she and Mr. Wilbert Spain was gifted with seven of the most beautiful loving children who all grew up to be wonderful adults which keep GOD first and foremost in their life. GOD saw fit to call her back to him only after 33 years of life she left her children at the ages of 3 – 16.

Mrs. Helen, I know that you were a gift of LOVE from Heaven, because I only see nothing but the love of GOD showing thru all of your seven children at which I know you are very proud of. I love and cherish all seven as well.

Mrs. Helen I know you are looking after us from Heaven and my life won’t be as wonderful as it is. Because GOD and you chose your son to be my husband and I would not be myself without him.

Thank you Heavenly Father for the gift of life to Mrs. Helen Spain.

Mrs. Helen May Virginia Freeman Spain,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY we Love and miss you.

Janice

                                                             Helen Mae Virginia Spain

Thank you, Janice, and God bless.

Dennis

The Fear of Success

"For God has not given us the Spirit of Fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind."
II Timothy 1:7

 It has been said that the greatest fear is the fear of change. Change calls for adjustment from the normalcy of one's life. Change calls for a moving out of your comfortable environment into a different, (and sometimes unfamiliar), environment. Perhaps an environment that is devoid of family, familiar routines and known safety nets.

 Change affirms the fact that you, alone, are responsible for the decisions and choices you make in your life. Change is blatant and will challenge you to do those "hidden things" you dare to only dream about. Change is not our enemy. It is your key to a better, more fulfilling life. You must go through fire if you are to become hardened and purified "as pure gold". To Submit to change is to succumb to the truth that your life is more about God's design for you rather than following a path that is safe or has been selected for you by a parent, co-worker, friend or an idol.

  How many of you are operating in an organization and your heart is elsewhere? In some of you there is a book that is waiting to be written, a program to help the homeless that needs to be established, a neighborhood project that will bring families together, a musical composition that will stir the hearts of many; and it all begins with you. You may reason within yourself that if you do not do it someone eventually will. For you to actually fulfill such an arduous task is overwhelming to your basic senses; for we are conditioned to be "practical" in our thinking. We worry about money and food and the biggest concern of all: "What if I fail?"

 The first step in actualizing your true calling is to shed your fear of reaching it. Nothing will happen until we reach out our hands, our minds and even our very soul, to the truth that each of us are more than mere vessels of flesh and blood. "Being made so much better than the angels, as he hath by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they." This passage is from the Hebrews chapter 1, verse 4 and it refers to us. We are created, by God, to be an extraordinary people; filled with the ability to create miracles and wonders far beyond what we ordinarily do on a daily basis. "And greater works than these shall you do" said Jesus. I know, I make this sound so easy; and it is if only we would place our trust in our faith and practice accomplishing a miracle each day. You can begin with a small request and graduate to another, a more significant one, each day. 

 I have learned that in my journey to be the vessel that God has ordained me to be I will be bombarded by distractions. These attacks are the antithesis of my inward desire to matriculate into the Kingdom of Heaven that is in us and all around us. My wife's medical results were negative, I have reconnected with family and friends of days gone by, I have desired to be away from certain stresses and to meditate and pursue my dreams which have lain dormant for far too long. Someone once asked me, "Are you afraid of success?" My answer to that question is "Absolutely not" It's on!

Have a great day and I love you all. Dennis

Time To Leave Home

We were walking down the street on Fort Bragg, North Carolina.  I was with my father, Wilbert Spain.  To this day I cannot remember where we were headed.  Now that I think about it, it was even more of a mystery as to why I was with my father.  Wilbert Spain was a career soldier.  He had served most of his years as a member of the 82nd Airborne Division located out of Fort Bragg.  My father was never a talkative individual, especially when he was sober.  But here I was walking along the side of the road with him.  "You know it's about time for you to leave here" he said.  His question came out of no where and I was caught off guard.  "Boy, you'll be 18 soon and it's time that you made a life for your own".  I still did not answer because my father had never been one to ease into a conversation; never the type to prepare you for your next move.  "I don't care where you go", he continued, "but I want you to leave North Carolina".  We continued to walk together and I remained silent.  I had always been characterized by my teachers in school as a very sensitive child.  I lost my mother to kidney disease when I was nine, there were six siblings at home with me who were all surviving by the grace of God.  My father had a penchant for disappearing for several days on payday; leaving us alone to fend for ourselves until he returned days later drunk and ready for nothing but sleep.  We went through his pockets and confiscated any loose change we could, hoping there was enough to buy food for the house.  My father's devastating condition left us without Christmas holidays, birthday celebrations, proms, school dances or field trips.  Yes, I suppose as a child I was a little sensitive, but it wasn't by choice.  As we walked, my father and I, all I could do was hold back the tears as I wondered to myself "Why does he hate me so much?".
Recently  one of my siblings spoke of returning home to live. "Why" I wondered.  When I think of home (N.C.) I think of my walk with my father, I think of the many hardships I and my brothers and sisters endured under him, I think of the many things we went without and I say how I never want to return to that again.  And then, as if for the first time, I realized that my father did indeed love me.  He urged me to get away from home and by doing so I learned Independence.  I learned to be responsible for my own decisions; whether good or bad.  I learned that when my funds ran low that there was no parent or brother or sister in my immediate area who could bail me out.  And most of all, I learned to do the opposite to what my father did for my family.   When he died of cancer in 1995 I was able to tell him what a good father he was and that I loved him very much. My father wasn't the best father, but he certainly was not the worst. 
If we look closely there are obvious lessons to be learned while we are in our trials.
Have a great day.
Dennis
   

Preparing For A New Journey

 "Nobody can go back and start a new beginning,
but anyone can start today and make a new ending."~Maria Robinson~

 I've been in heavy thought lately.  I get this way when I am watching and waiting as I sense a change in my season.  I await the opportunity to make the right decisions when the time comes.  There are always so many things occurring simultaneously; and it's not as if they don't concern me, so I cannot readily turn over and go to sleep.  Being fervent in prayer is exhausting, for you not only pray in your quiet moments, but you also pray as you shop, work, clean house, drive and walk.  I don't always know specifically why I am praying but when things happen, (like how I received a phone call, while ironing some clothes this afternoon, from my brother-in-law informing me that his girlfriend's mother passed this morning).  Because of the prayers that I uttered earlier I felt as if comfort had already reached her and her bereaved family and friends.  
 Today has been a day of preparation here at the house.  Many are aware that we are relocating to another state very soon.  I have truly come to be at peace with this city.  My home is in an area that is surrounded by businesses, restaurants, and other activities.  I have often stated how I felt as if I were ready to call this "home" and never to move again. Take it from me; Never say never!  I have written before as to how we are often in an area for reasons other than our own.  I used to preach "your life is not your own when you are a child of God".  How easy it is to take it upon oneself and declare that you have "retired" from a certain thing; a specific vocation.  In  newer ways I am learning how great the rewards and blessings are rained down upon us when we say "Lord, not my will but your will be done".
 As I mowed my lawn for the final time, packed boxes, disconnected electric appliances and removed items from the walls,  my heart and my mind reflected on the lessons learned, (both good and bad), while passing thru this land. I remembered the people who have gone on to Glory while I have lived here. I thought about the numerous events I was honored to participate in by presenting my gift of song.  I smiled greatly today when I, once again, thought of how I actually fulfilled a dream by making a Gospel music CD of my own and later recording a song with my family.  Hurricane Irene has been moving as we have been preparing to move and fortunately, the ramifications of its trek did not reach the projected disastrous proportion anticipated by so many world-wide. 
 I don't know when I will write again.  There are so many things that demand my attention, but just as I did not foresee writing this thought, I can only say that I will see you when I see you.
Have a great day and a safe week.
I love you all.
Dennis

A New Day Coming

 

 "For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known".  1 Corinthians 13:12

There's this thing going on in my life as of late and I don't want to let it go.  It seems that after so many years of ups and downs, stumbling, falling, getting back up, waiting and watching; I am finally feeling as if I am walking closer to perfection than ever before.  When I describe it in this manner some may think me to be arrogant or prideful, so let me say it another way; I feel as if I am finally walking closer to God's will in my life than ever before.  My thoughts have been cascading like a torrential downpour.  Fireworks are exploding within my chest. My time in this city is soon to be over and I am being as patient as I can as I look over the horizon at my whatever it is that awaits me.  Will I be immersed with thoughts of deja vu? (déjà vu 1903, from Fr., "already seen." Also known as promnesia ). Will I experience trials that will test my marriage, my character, my very mettle? Is their someone God is sending me to that has been looking for a Word; encouragement, as only I can give? Perhaps there is a certain song that needs to be sung or a book within me that must be written.  I am suddenly reminded of the old Gospel song we used to sing in church; "Send me, I'll go".  My heart and my mind is totally devoid of any fear.  Do you remember how the prophet Job, (pronounced Jobe), let his fears become a reality?  (Job 3:25), "What I feared has come upon me; what I dreaded has happened to me". I trust God and not myself because He has not given me a spirit of fear but of love and power and a sound mind (level head).
As much as I normally complain about picking up and going elsewhere, (I had my fill of moving while I was in the military; and even afterwards), this time is different. I have had the opportunity to meet many people while here. Not all good but not all bad either. I will always cherish the ones who loved their neighbor as they loved themselves. I will remember the lessons taught by those whose only objective, it  seemed, was to make other people's life as miserable as their life was. I sincerely pray that they will soon find happiness while they live. They can't even see that there is joy all around them and that, my friends, is so sad.
 One thing is certain; there are three of us traveling to the new land and I must be mindful that we serve a multifaceted God. So while I may be on my own mission my wife and son will have their tasks, as well.  And we know that all things work together for good for them that love God and are called to do His will.  I invite you to take this journey with me. If there are any words I can say that will encourage, motivate, enlighten, or simply help to dull your pain, I will speak them through my writings.  And what will you be doing on your end?  Let me guess; Praying for me and others and spreading genuine love.

I love you all.
Dennis          

Autumn leaves (re-posted for Marlyce and family. I love you all)

 A sweet smile and eyes that gleam with anticipation; almost a mischievous delight.
That's what Autumn leaves in your mind.
A pretty, baby-like face that reminds you of her sweet mother. Almost sisters, they appeared to be.
That's what Autumn leaves her mother to remember.
Some find her difficult to understand but you would never know the roads she has traveled nor the things she has experienced unless she trusted you enough to tell you.
When Autumn leaves she is sorting some things out.
"Wish she'd stay around the house more", (her mom would say), "because I love her company".
But so many people want her company, so Autumn leaves.
I got a phone call the other day. Autumn had left again; only this time she wasn't coming back home.
Sadness and memories and pain and a pool of tears.
That's what Autumn leaves.
A bright light in heaven and a new angel to adore. A trail of laughter and joy and love for her baby brother she can hold once again.
That's what Autumn leaves.

We will miss you, Autumn.
Dennis

In Defense Of Our Veterans

"But as for me, it is good to be near God".
Psalms 73:28

 The other day I had the pleasure of speaking to a woman who is a Human Resources employee at a local VA hospital. She was telling me how the Veterans Administration was making it a priority to hire more Veterans.  She went on to say how although this was a good initiative, it was lacking in on key area; training and education for managers and supervisors who the Veteran would be placed under once hired. Some managers are totally oblivious as to what "special accommodations" they would possibly need for Veterans. After all, they are just people like the many others hired by the Veterans Administration on a daily basis. This is where they are totally wrong; and if I may be so bold as to remark, narrow minded. 

 I am a retired Army Veteran, as I have mentioned several times before.  Since my inception into the ranks of soldier my entire life has been "dress-right-dress", attention to detail, and arriving 15 minutes ahead of the scheduled time, to mention a few ingrained idiosyncrasies. There was a saying we had when I was active duty which was "We do more before 9 a.m. than most people do all day". I promise you that this saying was true in every way. Having to live under this mindset for even a few years, (coupled with a tour(s) in a foreign land, involuntary separation from family and friends for an extended time, perhaps a rotation to a war zone or a life changing injury), causes one to adapt to an attitude of ordiliness, structure, and above all, to develope a very low tolerance for people who perform their duties in a half-hearted, nonchalant manner.   The VA Medical Centers were created for the Veteran and therefore only the most sincere care should be expected from all VA employees at all times.  But, alas, that is hardly the case. I have worked with several VA facilities over the years and in several states and I have come to learn that many of those employed at these facilities are only interested in acquiring huge pay checks and yearly bonuses or seeking to hire as many of their family members as possible. This is known as neoptisim.  I was once in a position as secretary for a certain Service Line and the Administrative Officer actually said to me "Dennis, why do you have to work so fast"? She went on to say that when I completed my tasks ahead of schedule it forced her to address her part of the work before she desired to do so.  (Now take a second to visualize the look of total disdain I had on my face after hearing that comment).

 This is what Veterans, and those who care about Veterans, have to deal with from some Vetarans Hospital employees.  So to those of you who are employed in the services of the Veterans, please see the need for looking through the eyes of the Veterans; and not just from a medical perspective. And if you cannot or will not attempt to do that, please go home.  

 In a large way, we Veterans are ahead of the times.  We were integrated (racially) from Basic Training. We learned that a friend is one who has your back in all situations and not just the one who shares your skin color. We expanded the definition of family when we were apart from our traditional family. We shared one anothers joys and sorrows. What was mine was yours and what was yours was mine.  None of us ever had to go without, even we we didn't have a nickel in our pocket.

 Sounds like what Martin Luther King, JR, John F. Kennedy, and Abraham Lincoln, and Barack Obama had in mind; for us all to love and live together.

Have a great day.
I love you all,
Dennis


      

Cleaning Our Own Heart

Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.
-Proverbs 4:23

 I was on the road quite a bit this weekend. I remembered how much I used to love to travel and to listen to the old time gospel preachers as I passed through certain states.  Radio preaching is so much different from the preaching you usually hear on the television, and I understand why. With television it's all about the ratings; and there is also the 'Do not offend' factor.  Have you ever asked yourself how does one preach the Gospel without offending some people? The Bible, the "Word of God", cannot help but to offend any and all who do not abide by it.  I don't care who it is that might be in error.  If the shoe fits, lace it up.  From alcoholic to meth user to crack head to church deacon to choir member to preacher and pastor; all souls must adhere to its words, for these words create a better life for us now and hereafter.
 Anyone who has been around The Word for any certain length of time will attest to the fact that the Bible is not a respecter of persons; in other words, no one is exempt from its teachings and admonitions. I used to esteem "religious" people over non-religious people when I was but a novice in the church; however, I came to know that anyone is susceptible to failing in their spiritual walk. I witnessed many devastating acts and even committed some of my own dastardly deeds, all while wearing the "cloak of righteousness".  Although I remained in the church I was never comfortable with being a hypocrite.  (You know what a hypocrite is don't you? It's who a person really is when no one else is looking).  So because I feared God more than man I decided to sit down and let God work in my life rather than to perpetrate a fraud for the sake of appearances.  I know you are wondering just what is was that caused me to do this.  Trust me when I say that it was nothing that warranted jail and neither was it a criminal offense.  Some of us are just very sensitive to displeasing God in the slightest way.  It's a shame that there are many religious people who are too concerned with their position in the church or have too much pride to put their church activities on hold while they humbly submit themselves to God so that He may repair their cracks. 
"Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap".  Galatians 6: 7-9
 Does a person truly believe that he/she can continue to rile on another's behavior while all the while they are living in deeper offense than those whom they seek to correct?  As the opening scripture says, "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."  Our heart may contain many issues of life but it is sad that these issues contained therein too often concern other people's faults and none of our own shortcomings.  Have you sincerely searched your own heart lately?  Has your position or pride kept you from being the best that you can be for God? Are you wondering why your ship hasn't come in while all around you so many of your friends are prospering and being blessed in miraculous ways? 
 Here is a personal challenge to you; imagine that you, alone, are standing before God's judgement seat and He has given you 10 minutes to come clean with Him or you will be turned towards Hell.  What would you confess?
 My friends, there are no benefits to having pride.
Have a great and productive day.  I love you all.

Dennis