Thursday, August 9, 2012

When Marriages Break

Dedicated to anyone who has experienced divorce

He said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning it has not been this way.
Matthew 19:8 (NAS)

  “My husband and I have never considered divorce... murder sometimes, but never divorce.”      Joyce Brothers

  Divorce. What a nasty word. When I was a child I sometimes heard that word. It was never in relation to my own household, but always someone else's. I grew up believing people got divorces because something worse than death had happened behind their closed doors. What it was, I could not even begin to fathom, but whenever I heard the subject I felt as if something ominous and very scary had happened to that couple.  Both of my parents loved each of us in their own way. My father expressed his love for us by having a steady job and "bringing home the bacon" while my mother trained us in personal hygiene and domestic responsibilities. She encouraged our education and made us feel secure in our home. I remember how she would sometimes hold me for hours as she rocked and hummed to herself.  Now, she and my father had their trying times as all people who are married do. I can recall a few times when my father angered her to the point that he narrowly escaped the room before a dish or a lamp or a glass, (whatever my mom had available to throw at the time), shattered in the space he stood a millisecond ago, but never did I hear the word "Divorce".

  Having been raised with a religious background I later learned that even God frowned upon divorce.  "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6). That settled it for me. When I get married,( I vowed), I will be married forever.  In my immaturity and youth I did not hear the cynical voice of the world saying "Right, good luck with that".

  I have often heard people remark that marriages were made of a different quality back then.  I don't believe that. I believe the quality of the people getting married has changed and not the institution of marriage itself.  After all, God ordained marriage and we know that He never changes.  Later, when men found it impossible to maintain their wives and desired to put them away for such frivolous reasons as her lack of cooking skills, her looks, or her age, God allowed Moses to decree that divorce was acceptable only in the case of adultery; and even then, we messed that up.  These modern times have allowed folks to divorce for basically no apparent reason. Whereas our parents, and those before them, had the tenacity to forgive after a fight and to heal after a hurt, we have almost none of those qualities in us and it is looked upon as being okay.  After all, we are intelligent, able-bodied individuals who have out grown the antiquated teachings of God. We know what is best for us.  (I say this with sarcasm and with shame). 

  One thing is certain; divorce is never an act between two people only. There are almost always children involved. And if not children there is the added element of family and friends.  I seek not to instruct anyone on marriage and divorce for I have been there myself,  but I will say this; life does not end after divorce. It will take a period of recuperation, (which may last for many years), however; God is able to patch us up again and lead us to happiness in this life.  Some have sworn off marriage because of the trauma of divorce and to them I say "Beloved, I pray that all may go well with you and that you may be in good health, as it goes well with your soul."
3 John 1:2. 

 “A heart can stop beating for a while, one can still live.” 
   Suzanne Finnimore


  Beloved, encourage yourself in the Lord today.
  I love you all,
  Dennis

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