Finding My Child-like Faith Again

"Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother"

  -Khalil Gibran

  This week has been difficult for so many reasons. Normally I try not to focus on myself too much, but sometimes it cannot be avoided.  Several times this week my heart and mind was  attuned to the still, small voice of God. It present while I was  driving my car, when I was shopping, when I was with my family, when I was happy and even when I became sad or upset.  This morning I purposely put my faith into action like I have not done in quite some time.

  In my flesh, I am reminded of the many sweet things life has brought to me such as good health. Aside from the aches and pains I have developed from my military service I am still very much happy.  I have good friends, loving family members and security.  I am thankful for having had loving parents who chose to let me be born.  

 On the other hand, in my spirit, I am reminded of the hope of another life; one without pain and suffering, without malice or despair, without hurt and tears, without pain and where we are told we shall never grow old.  

  These things I have been taught since I was a child, but let me tell you that holding onto these beliefs has not always been easy for me; and still every now and then I struggle to hold on.  We are naturally drawn towards things that make us smile and things that make us feel good.  It is during those times we are ever mindful of how good and faithful God is. But then there comes a time when we are lonely, ostracized  mistreated by those who said that they loved us, suffering in our bodies because of some relentless sickness or disease, the loss of a loved one, the loss of a job, divorce, bankruptcy or the repossession of a house or automobile.  Although we may recall the Bible verse which tells us "but mankind is born unto trouble, as surely as sparks fly upward" (Job 5:7) that still is not enough to assuage the anguish we feel when trials come into our life. 

  In my "listening" on this week the popular theme seems to be that of encouragement. Encouragement to step out on faith.  Am I the only one who can hear the inward voice of God urging me to stop dying slowly and to trust Him as never before? It's as if He is saying "Go get your blessing".  I know you can feel it in your own spirit.

  When I was a young man I had the greatest of dreams and aspirations for my life and when I came to know God my hopes and dreams became astronomical. There was nothing I could not do if I truly put my mind to it.  I could care less as to who would tell me that my desires were not attainable. I wasn't deterred about such things as not having enough education or enough money or how many others did not achieve what I was seeking after or what color my skin was because I was seeking and believing God for ME.  There is much to be said about youth; for when we are young it is so easy to believe in "impossible" things but as we grow older the cares of this life and our belief that it is solely up to us to make things happen in our life and life's constant distractions lessen our connection with the supernatural that surrounds us each day.  There comes a time when we must forsake our hinderances and go back to that wilderness, meditate and pray and seek that source which we knew so intimately as children.  He is, after all, that same God.

Woe unto he/she who sits upon the porch in their old age and wishes they had done things differently.

  Today I am stepping forward where I see no floor. I am believing that He will make His will to be made known in my life.  I want to trust Him as I did when I was a child; all the while remembering that His thoughts are not my thoughts and His ways are far above my own.  

  There is so much more to say, but I will close this dialogue for now.
  I love you all,
  Dennis     

  

My Tuesday Morning Dream

  

  It is now 4:30 a.m. and I am wide awake; largely due to a very vivid dream I had earlier.  I have not been able to get a very good night's sleep since I returned from Operation Desert Storm while in the Army. When I do sleep it is usually inundated by dreams of the war or some type of activity involving my being back in the Army. The dreams are so real that when I awake I almost immediately thank God that I am actually in my bed and in my home and far from anything military. 

  Although serving nearly 24 years in the Army has afforded me and my family security my recurring dreams often remind me that success is not free, but rather comes at a cost. 

  This morning my dream was not of a military nature at all, but in a church setting. (I suppose sometimes dealing with "church folk" can be considered a battlefield, but that is another story).  I will give a brief synopsis of my dream so as not to bore you:

  In my dream I seemed to have held some sort of a position in the church. I recall walking into a large room where the men of the church were gathered for some sort of service or meeting. I did not see any of the women of the church.  As I entered the room I immediately noticed a man; a stranger, standing at the head of the room addressing the men of the church.  After listening to him for a brief time I noticed that he was spewing some sort of new doctrine which he attributed to a great "woman of God".  Although he spoke of worshiping and traditions and activities that were totally contrary to biblical teachings he was very compelling and the silence within the room was evidence that he had captured the attention of the men in attendance.  

  I approached the stranger and asked him if he had actually seen any of the "miracles" he described. He said that he had not. I asked him by what authority did he come before this group of men and to lecture them. He said it was by his own authority that he addressed the group. I then told him to cease his questionable oration and to have a seat.  He did so.

  Later, the Bishop of our church came into the facility and sat down in his seat in the center of the pulpit. Before the Bishop could utter a word to the group of men and women, (at this time the room was filled with the women of the church as well), the stranger stood up from where he was seated and walked towards the front of the church to where the bishop was seated;  spewing out the same ungodly message he had been speaking earlier to the group of men with every step he took.  The stranger got down on both knees before the Bishop and said, "Bishop, my sword had been taken away from me earlier, (referring to my sitting him down), but that's okay because I decided to bring my own sword".  He stood up, faced the congregation and without permission proceeded, once again, to speak his "doctrine" to the church. The Bishop was noticeably very patient but soon politely smiled and gently motioned for the church security to remove the man from the building.

  Later, it was learned that the man was making his rounds among the single women of the church; living off of them until he could no longer drain them and then moved on to another woman. He was even able to seduce the Bishop's daughter.  Attendance of the younger church women  became noticeably scarce but the church remained calm and continued on with its duties.  By next Sunday all of the single women who had previously left the church under the stranger's influence had returned to the church. No condemnation was spoken to them by the Bishop or the other members of the church. The stranger was never seen again.

  Note: I will not attempt to convey my thoughts on this dream. Instead, I will allow you to formulate your own understanding if, indeed, it means anything to you.  

  I also do not apologize for being so candid concerning myself.  In the past some have stated that I am too transparent. I believe God still speaks to His people in visions and dreams; however, in this day and age we fear being ridiculed and labeled as crazy by friends, family and strangers. And you are right to feel this way because that is exactly what they said about all of the prophets and preachers of old, but you shouldn't let that stop you.  

 Am I the last man who does not fear being considered a fool for Christ? I don't think so. If we were more willing to share our visions and dreams with others we would soon learn that God is still speaking to His people and that He has never ceased to do so. A dear friend of mine, Colon Jones, recently shared this:

 "God's blessings are not to end with you but, instead, they are to flow through you".  

"And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death". 
-Revelation 12:11

I love you all.
Dennis

My Special Gift

"I Love my son and am proud of my son"

Robert H. Schuller

  On Sunday mornings I usually tune-in to a television program called Sunday Morning hosted by Charles Osgood.  This particular morning there was a segment about autistic children and how Disney movies have helped many autistic children to better communicate and socialize with the "outside world".  The program featured a young autistic man who was diagnosed at age three and who is now attending college. He, (and many other autistic students), each have a certain proclivity for Walt Disney movies and they have even formed a Disney Club where they come together and watch their favorite Disney movies. It was amazing and touching to see them discus the movies, sing the songs in unison and display characteristics which society has determined autistic people are incapable of ever being able to show. 

  My dear son, David, (whom many of you know has autism), is displaying many of these same traits at home because of his love of Disney programs. He and I can sing Doctor Seuss songs at anytime of the day or night and he never tires of it. I enjoy seeing his eyes light up as we both act out certain parts of the songs.  He routinely asks me to take him to certain stores because he has amazing intuition as to where to find certain plush characters. Our hit list consists of Target, Goodwill, Barnes & Noble, Walmart, Kmart and The Disney store in the mall. It's as if he has received a personal message that the character he is wanting is here or there.  I believe each autistic child has their own "gift". 

  David is now 16 years old and will be graduating to the 11th grade next year. He has an excellent teacher who is masterful at combining the basic elements of education with life skills that he and his peers will use in their adult life to enable them to be more self sufficient. The classes that were once mandatory for us when we were in grade school; home economics, typing/computer use, jobs, art, physical education, personal hygiene, doing laundry, baking and learning how to do laundry, (to name a few), are artfully incorporated in his daily regimen.  When school is over David is eager to come home and relax with his computer, DVDs and television programs.  When people tell me that I should take away his characters and his collection of movies and toys so that he can "grow up", I am secure in my stance that David has learned to associate and communicate through these items and I see no harm in allowing my son to be himself. Besides, what do people feel I should replace these things with? A toy gun? Or perhaps I should force him to sit down and learn to watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta or some sexually explicit program?  I think not.

  When all is said and done, No one truly has the answer to raising an autistic child. It hurts me when some people fear my son but those who encounter David daily or even for the first time in a store, the mall, or on the street will attest that he is one of the most polite and lovable people they have ever met.

  He has caused me to broaden my perspective and not to sweat the small stuff because it is all small stuff. Because David is not able or willing to communicate pain I am in continual vigilance of his behavior. In other words, he has been my main source for obtaining patience, introspection and gentleness towards others.

  Thank you for listening.

  I love you all,

  Dennis