Reflecting On Father's Day

“By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he's wrong.”

Charles Wadsworth

   Father's Day is soon approaching.  Father's Day, (founded in 1910), is a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and the influence of fathers in society. Over the years I have met many men who have displayed varying feelings about this unvarying holiday and it basically derives from their own personal experiences with fatherhood. I have written about my father in previous blogs and the relationship he and I shared. It was sometimes up, sometimes down, (as the old Gospel song says), but I was glad to be able to love him while he was alive and able to comprehend my love. Gabriel Garcia Marquez said "A man knows he is growing old because he begins to look like his father". This statement is confirmed by family and also by friends who knew my father whenever they see a recent picture of me.  If I hear "Boy, Wilbert Spain spit you out" one more time...
  On Father's Day I always find a small window to reflect on my father. I don't dwell on his memory for too long; not because it pains me to do so, but because I do not harbor the father/son memories so eloquently spoken of in the Hallmark Cards  presented to fathers everywhere each year. For me, there were no fishing trips or playing catch in the back yard. My father wasn't on the sidelines rooting for me when I played in my first little league football game. Later in life, as music began to become dominant in my life, he never once witnessed one of my performances. Still, I sing one of his favorite songs, "A Change Is Gonna Come", with him in mind every time.

  "Becoming a father is easy enough, but being one is very rough" - Wilhem Busch

  If you are near my age, you realize that our fathers had to deal with many more societal ills than we could ever imagine. It must have been extremely difficult to try to be the example of strength and protection when you were being called "boy" and expected not to look another man in his eyes. Or to explain to your children why they had to go in the back entrance to an establishment to eat or shop, sit in movie theater balconies only, or watch their women give up their seat on the bus because a white man wanted to sit down.  Yet through all of this, many of our fathers still brought home the bacon, worked long and hard jobs for pennies, provided shelter for their families, fill the house with many children, and even found the time to socialize and have fun.  Nobody ever asks a father how he manages to combine marriage and a career.  
  We now live in a time of blended families, broken or divorced marriages, (sometimes more than a few), and obliterated relationships between the parent and child.  For me, it is painful to lose all contact with an offspring because of differing opinions, lack of understanding, harbored animosity due to divorce, or unacceptable personality traits; but it happens. However; this is not an attempt to offer some sage advice to anyone because I can only govern my own self.
          "Nobody can bring you peace but yourself."- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
  Instead, I do pray that the many fathers who may have been misunderstood over the years for whatever reason, alienated from the lives of their children, or may have fallen short of providing the substance of their dreams for their loved ones, or perhaps have given all and more but only to have their children grow to believe that they contributed nothing to their well-being; I wish you peace. Jesus knows all about our sorrows.
   "A king, realizing his incompetence, can either delegate or surrender his duties. A father can do neither. If only sons could see the paradox, (contradiction), they would understand the dilemma. " - Marlene Dietrich.
  I wish all fathers a Happy Father's Day.
  Dennis