Written with My Heart

"Yet man is born to trouble as surely as sparks fly upward." Job 5:7

  The sky is foggy, extremely overcast. I am up early. I took a prescription sleep-aid last night so that I could get some sleep; a reprieve from my surging dreams. But it rarely works, for I am still inundated with a cavalcade of visions; some more of a premonition than merely dreams. They are vivid, my dreams. I see them clearly and in color. I can feel, taste, and smell my environment and I am only assuaged when I awaken; however, I remain pensive, watchful, and vigilant in my waking hours.
  I relegated myself to a sabbatical from Facebook for personal reasons. I have a penchant for expressing my innermost thoughts on paper. I tell myself that it is a form of therapy for me, but the truth is that I often feel compelled to speak on certain things due to the belief that someone may need assurance or comfort or confirmation in a certain situation. No, I do not profess to be a prophet in any way but I do believe that there are things I say that are inspired by a higher power. 
  I looked at the news this morning and I see tornadoes heading towards Birmingham and Tuscaloosa, Alabama. The Republican debates are surging to worrisome proportions, Iran is acting up again and I fear there may be a bombing there soon which will lead to another war, and people are dying everywhere. What point am I making?  That life goes on, whether we live or die, and while we yet live on this earth we must do our part in it as we are assigned to do by God.
  I am still on my sabbatical. No, I am not covered in sackcloth and ash; nor am I sitting under a Juniper tree.  My meditation comes throughout my days. I do not verbally commune with anyone concerning my innermost thoughts, but I speak to God at all times.  The greatest temptation has been to be still and allow things to unfold as they are ordained and to not make comment of them. I am also being introspective concerning myself; as to why I pull away from those who offend me and build walls. I have learned that pain is a part of life and I continue to find ways to deal with it. Sometimes the Lord is my only friend and it is because of Him I can prevail.
  This day my thoughts and prayers go out to my dearest friends who are seeking direction, answers, and comfort in their lives. To those who are seemingly alone in the decisions they are forced to make, please know that you are not alone.

 "Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us..." Hebrews 12:1

 You are not alone. Not only is God near you and in you but those loved ones who have gone on before you are looking down from heaven and cheering you on. Your parents are proud of you. Your brother and sister are rooting for your successes. Your son and your daughter are lingering in your heart, hoping that you still feel their love and their presence.  My fervent prayer on this day is that you find contentment in your being; that you allow grace to compel you to continue to fight the good fight of faith. And by all means do remember; It's not all about you.

  I love you all,

  Dennis 

His Name Was Martin

"His name was Martin Luther King. He died so all men could be free".
Victor Spain

  I sat in my room watching a documentary about Martin Luther King, Jr. on television this afternoon. It was hosted by Tom Brokaw and a litany of people, both celebrity and common folk, who had interacted with MLK at some time or another either by personal contact or by proxy. As often as I have viewed documentaries about King I am still appalled at the footage of beatings at sit-ins, water hoses being turned on blacks, dogs mauling  black men and women, open Klan activity and racist city officials. I do not hate any race of people for I know that ignorance played a large part of the shameful actions of many people back then; however I do hate the racial ignorance which continues to permeate in this day and age.
  I often recant as to how I truly did not know racism until I joined the military. I grew up as an "Army brat" whose friends were the color of a rainbow. When I joined the Army I experienced how men would judge you because of your color. I recall how in 1995 I was stationed in Alaska and held the job as the brigade signal (communications) chief. After I had been there for some time we received a new Signal officer who was white and from Seattle, Washington. He had a bad habit of referring to white people as "thinkers" and black people as "workers". He would use profanity in the presence of my female soldiers and they came to me to report their disdain concerning this. When I privately approached him concerning his profanity and his labeling of people, he smiled and said "I couldn't understand what you are feeling even if I put black shoe polish on my face". And then he laughed.
  I reported this conversation to the higher chain of command and they responded as they felt was necessary. They relieved me of my duties as the Battalion Signal Chief and left the racist captain in his position. I knew that it was time to leave the military.
  Over the years, in spite of having witnessed several blatant racist acts, I have held on to the belief that not all white people are as evil as some I have encountered during my lifetime. I am proud to say that I love all people; even though I may deplore the acts they commit, both black and white. I am not so naive as to believe that only those who look as I do have my best interest at heart for we are all just people.
  I do ask that on this special day we all will look a little deeper under our skin and discover that we are all in this together.
 I love you all.
 Dennis

It's A New Life For Me

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
-Philippians 4:12

I was up early again today. It's sometimes good for me not to sleep in because even though I do not always have a set schedule, I can easily find the time to do things around town or around the house. I bought a new yard tool on Sunday that is for pulling weeds and crab grass. I used it in the front yard for nearly an hour yesterday and it works great. There is still much more to do, but I am looking forward to it. I love a work in progress. It's probably how God feels about observing us.  I had subconsciously planned to "take the day off" and watch some movies in my theater room. but the sky is very overcast and rain is highly anticipated sometime today, so I re-filled the bird feeder and replenished the hummingbird nectar near the pool.  The scripture is true as it states "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.
  I was reminded as to how impoverished I was as a child. I often recall, (especially in the years following my mother's death), how little we had to eat or how little clothing we had to wear. I remember having only two pair of underwear and while I wore one clean pair I had to hand wash the second pair and hang them inside on a door to dry while I was at school. And if I happened to forget to wash them the previous night I had to wash them in the morning and then hang them on a hanger in front of the oven so they would be dry enough to wear to school. Sometimes they would get a little scorched, but what the heck, at least they were clean. I had to do the same with my socks. My siblings and I continued in this process for several years until it was no longer considered a hardship, but instead, the norm.  Sometimes I purposely reflect on those barren times and it makes me all the more thankful when I consider where God has brought me from. I will never forget those times. 
  It's easy to look at someone today who is suffering as I did and want to bring them out of their despair. It is also easy to formulate the opinion that everyone is seeking their pie in the sky, just as I was. Life has shown me that this is far from the truth. Jesus said "The poor you will have with you always but you will not always have me." (Matthew 26:11).  He spoke these words in regards to his upcoming death, but that we can continue to show our love for Him by caring for the poor. But there are some who are not poor by life's circumstances, but rather, by choice. There was a time in my life that I was a very bad steward of money. I did not consider the monthly obligations that I had incurred and often I would overindulge in things that I did not need or merely wanted; all the while knowing that I had priorities to satisfy. My bad stewardship led to borrowing from others on a regular basis, getting trapped in the "advanced check cashing" cycle, bank overdrafts and stiff penalties, and the discontinuation of electrical, water, telephone services and even eviction notices.  I vowed that something had to change and by God's grace I was able to focus on what type of life the Lord desired me to live. 
  I sit here alone at my kitchenette table with a cup of coffee, watching the rain now pouring down through the windows. I am a man of few friends, (I used to believe that it was because I was so difficult to get along with, but it is also largely because I don't appreciate my life becoming so dis-organized by others that I begin to feel powerless), and the friends I do have are mostly via email or an occasional telephone call. Don't get me wrong; I love people, I just don't enjoy being around them too much. For me, its easier to accept the idiosyncrasies of others that way.  I suppose we all have our own method of dealing with things.
  I'm going to go and enjoy the day. I pray that you will be able to do the same.
 Take care.
 Dennis