Dealing With Things One By One

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"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."  When it comes to eating, sometimes our eyes are bigger than our stomach.  Life is much like that.  There are so many things we feel we would like to have, but in all actuality, we either do not have room for them or we can't feasibly afford to have them.  In my home my favorite room is my African Room.  As the name suggests, this room is decorated in the fashion of everything African.  The rug, the paintings, the figurines, the 6' giraffe in the corner, elephants, a lion's head, tribal masks, and many other unique items. Each piece within this room has a special meaning to me and each of them tells a specific story of my life's travels, relationships, triumphs, moods, and battles.  I do not collect just any African artwork, only those things which are authentic and well crafted.  I like to go to certain stores to see what new item has arrived since my last visit.  My wife continuously tells me that I have absolutely no more space for another piece, but somehow I always find a spot somewhere. Of course there are times when I find a piece that is similar to, but not exactly the same, as a piece I already have.  Or perhaps I really don't need it at all but it has been so long since I bought anything. And here is when I must exercise wisdom and put it back on the shelf , even if it hurts me to do so.  Just as my African Room can only hold so much, the same applies to my life.  It can only hold but so much.  Have you ever wished there were two of you so that you could have more of everything? I did- especially when I was a child.  I remember thinking that If there were two of me I could have more ice cream, see twice the movies at the theater, and eat more candy.  And as I grew older and my desires evolved, I wanted more jobs so as to have more money to have more girlfriends and more clothes and the best of this and the best of that.  In the Bible there was a man named Solomon who was like that.  Although he had more wisdom than any man in the world he had a great appetite for stuff, and because of his riches, Solomon was actually able to acquire more things than he actually needed; not to mention all the wives he could ever have at one time.  He soon began to answer the demands his many wives over God's demand for him to be practical, thrifty and prudent and sadly, his appetites drew him further away from God.  My family and I sometimes go to a local Golden Coral restaurant.  It is amazing as to how many people who eat there seem to be absolutely oblivious to the fact that you can visit the food bar as often as you like.  Its almost a shame to look at the many plates that are piled high with a bit of everything from the entire food selection; steak and chicken and meatloaf and salad and collard greens and corn on the cob and green beans and white rice and Spanish rice and oriental rice and shrimp and catfish and roast beef and turkey and pie and rolls and more turkey! (Did I leave out anything)? And just as so much of their food is hidden beneath something else that had been placed on top of it, we conceal from ourselves things in our lives that we have greedily placed on top of what we already have.  I believe there is a time and a season for everything; however, anyone cannot clearly see this fact without a certain amount of cultivated patience.  And let's face it; everyone does not have patience for patience is learned, not inherited.  And just how does one acquire patience? By learning to clear your plate of what you have before piling more onto it. By knowing that you can only be in one place at a time. By realizing that you cannot have everything you see. By knowing that the absence of some things is truly for your benefit; especially if you desire to be closer to God.  To trust in the Lord is to be as a ship on the ocean.  You are not without a sail so you trust His guidance to take you through the rough waters of life, over the swelling tempest during the storms.  To not trust Him is to fold our sails and attempt to get through the storms (life) on our own strength.  I have loved much in my life and I have lost much, but even today I am rich and satisfied. Have a great day. I love you all. Dennis

An evening On The Porch

The heat was excruciating today. I went out on my porch at 10:15 P.M. tonight. The humidity was suffocating. I began to sweat easily.  I never take thought for tomorrow, but I can't help but wonder what tomorrow will bring.  As I listen to the chickadees sing, baby birds crying out for nourishment from the surrounding trees, and fireflies flutter about my head I say," It"s good to be alive".  Although it seems that today is uneventful there appears that there are small miracles that have slipped in regardless.
All in all, it has been a very good day.
I love you all.

Dennis

A Special Day For A Special Boy

 Today is a special day. Today my son, David, has turned 14 years old.  He went to the "Y" today because they are going skating and he is pretty good at it, the staff has said.  I was able to tell him Happy Birthday and kiss him before his mother dropped him off this morning.  He clearly wanted to stay home but I had some errands to run on his behalf. 
 David was born to his mother and I in Fairbanks, Alaska and he and I have been inseparable ever since.  I have other children from previous marriages/relationships and sadly I have no relationship with any of them.  I cut David's cord in the delivery room and marveled at his beauty; this miracle of God.  My wife was 40 at the time and neither of us actually believed we would have another child but fortunately God said otherwise.  I remember when my family and I were out-processing from Alaska after my tour of duty had expired how I learned that I had been selected for the U. S. Army CSM (Command Sergeant Major) Academy.  It was a prestigious honor and one that I had aspired to attain during my military service, but I did not need to entertain the news of my selection for too long.  One look at my wife and son and I decided that I had enough of the military.  I no longer desired to spend time away from them training in field exercises, overseas, or deployed to some far away region fighting in wars.  At the time I had served nearly 24 years and I was also tired.  I looked a the young staff sergeant who gave me the news about the school; selection and said, "Where do I sign to decline?"  He laughed out loud as if I were joking.  I leaned forward and looked him directly in his eyes and said, "Do you see me laughing?"  He immediately straightened up and produced the paperwork for me to reject the offer.
 David was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3.  His mother recognized a certain "vagueness" in him and spoke to me about it but I denied any such thing.  I finally did submit to testing and will testify to this very day that I am thankful that my wife was willing to accept his condition for we were able to begin therapy for David at an early age.  Through God's blessing and great therapists, special needs teachers, loving family members, extended family and friends David has developed into a very capable and loving child.  He has certainly exceeded every despondent diagnosis placed upon him by the medical doctors.
 Eddrenna brought David home at 5:30 pm.  I had the dining room decorated with banners, balloons, Sponge Bob plates and napkins , (which he picked out at Walmart earlier this week), and his cake.  He blew out his candles after we sang Happy Birthday and even cut his own slice of cake.  Dinner was his favorite meal; KFC with macaroni & cheese.  David is not one to actually eat sweets but he took a ceremonial bite of his cake because he recognized that it was his.  We had an extra treat because my brother, Victor, his wife Jan and Little Vic Skyped us from Maryland to sing Happy Birthday to David. David doesn't know it yet, but Aunt Cynthia and Uncle Herb are going to Skype him from Memphis when they get home later this evening.  I am so thankful for my family. 
 I thank all of my friends and family that have called and sent gifts, (thank you Marlyce). My heart swells with nothing but love and appreciation on this day.  This special day for David.
 Have a great day. Love you all.
Dennis   

Learning What Is Real

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”” — Mary Anne Radmacher

 Where did the week go and what did you accomplish throughout it? Did you clear your desk of all those "alligators" that have been nesting in your in-box for far too long?  Someone told me recently that it's almost useless to plan an agenda for the upcoming day because there is always something that supersedes her itinerary.  "Well, did you accomplish anything at all today?" I asked. "Yes, of course", she responded, "but it wasn't what I wanted to do."  I believe we have all have made a similar statement in our lives at some time or another, (some of us probably did just today).  How often do we start our mornings by praying "Lord, not my will but Your will be done", only to learn that it isn't so easy letting go of our will?
 Being brought up military, (My father was in the Army before I was born), I was raised with  military orderliness, strict discipline, attention to detail, and of course, timeliness).  I enlisted in the Army and discovered that it was not difficult at all.  "Heck, I've lived this way all my life", I thought to myself.   Even after I became heavily involved in the Christian church it was very difficult to relax my "starched" discipline.  When I look back in retrospect I believe it was the narrowness of religion that attracted me in the beginning.  It was dress-right-dress just like the Army.  In other words, I had an extreme case of tunnel vision but I was used to it so what the heck. 


  World English Dictionary-  tunnel vision; noun,
 a condition in which peripheral vision is greatly restricted.
 narrowness of viewpoint resulting from concentration on a single idea, opinion, etc to the exclusion of others.


 I was a good religious person, but I was a terrible Christian.  Nearly everything I was being taught by man's doctrine was contradictory to what Jesus taught.  Christ was notorious for hanging around "sinners" and was regularly condemned for it by the religious community.  He taught that God's heaven was for those who were lost, who loved their neighbor as they loved themselves, who did not put money above friendship, who loved all men and women with all their heart.  Under man's (organized) religion I learned that all smokers and drinkers and people who went to dance in clubs and people who cursed and people who had sex outside of marriage or with others while married and who were prejudiced and homosexual and even of a certain race were going directly to Hell where they will burn eternally in the Lake of Fire. Hallelujah!  (I say that sarcastically). 
 I sometimes look back on the way in which I thought, the manner in which I preached with such condemnation and arrogance; all the while mistaking it for "authority".  But God will not have us to be ignorant if we are sincerely seeking the truth; and I wanted to have the mind of God more than anything else.  And because of my sincere desire to live right and love right I was given a harsh, but much needed lesson, as only God could give.  Will you agree that we are more apt to pay attention to a thing when it affects us directly? As if overnight, I learned that church folks were capable of lying, cheating, stealing, adultery, cursing, smoking, drunkenness, sexual immorality and...well, let's just say that I learned that there was little difference between church folks and non-church folks.  Thus, in a few short years I learned that I had been going about this "religion" thing all wrong. I learned that my life was far from perfect, and so was I.   As first uttered by the ancient evangelical preacher, John Bradford, my motto soon became "There, by the grace of God, go I".  
  I will not expound on the many lessons I learned which humbled me and caused me to become the person I am today; a lover of people and one who seeks to reach God by my own merit and not at the expense of anther's shortcomings.  I am not where I desire to be and I don't know if I ever will be.  You see, I still have a dislike for people who purposely do and say things to hurt others.  I don't care to be around people who make it their goal to belittle others and down play  the importance of everyone else but themselves.  I don't hate these type of people, but I don't invite them to dinner either.  Pray for me, why don't 'cha. 
 I do believe, and always will, that there is a God in heaven and the only way to Him is thru accepting Jesus Christ.  Still, some may differ with me on this, but to each his own.  All I know is that I am nothing on my own and it is God who gives me the mind to be the best that I can possibly be in myself and in everything outside of me.


We have one more day, Friday, to get this week right.  Sit back for a moment and figure out just why you were muttering and complaining.  Try to rid yourself of a bad spirit such as hatred, anger, jealousy, greed and pride before the day is done.  Try to undo the lie you told on your neighbor because you wanted to save your own neck from correction. You won't be able to do it alone because these things are embedded in you; some of us from a very young age.  But I will make a deal with you:  If you pray for me I will pray for you.

Dennis


     



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On A Hot Tuesday Morning

 I'm feeling quite pensive this morning; almost on edge.  I think it has something to do with my dreams from last night.  Sometimes my days are so nice, so serene. Other days are like this one.  I wonder if I will ever be able to escape my memories of the war.  I do my best not to have those thoughts in my mind when I go to sleep, but it is a memory I cannot control.  When I have these dreams I am right there all over again.  I can see it, smell it, hear it. My sweat is real and the soldiers I interact with are real.  And always I am so thankful when I awaken to find myself in my own bed.  I know there is a name for my condition, PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I used to hide from it, deny it in my life, but I learned years ago that the best way to deal with it is to confront it.  I know of several soldiers who refused to accept the diagnosis of PTSD in their life when all of the signs were there.  I watched a program the other day that said there are more soldiers who are returning from these recent wars  and becoming homeless and are unable to make the transition to civillian life than from any previous war.  Whoever said "War is hell" must have been a soldier at one time in his life.  This is not the first nor the last time I will speak of this.  Because they do not clearly understand PTSD, the general public often makes Veterans feel different, alone, ashamed, or useless.  When I worked at the VA hospital I took it upon myself to become an advocate for Veterans with PTSD.  I was blessed to be placed in positions that enabled me to talk to the Veteran and to provide information to them concerning their malady.  Why did I do this? Because someone did it for me and I remain eternally grateful.  No one truly knows what it feels like to fall down the rabbit hole; to feel as if you are losing your mind, until you face a traumatic experience that causes you to go there.  It doesn't have to be the experience of war.  It can be the loss of a loved one.  It can be the onset of an incurable disease.  It can be a bankruptcy or some huge financial loss.  And here is where the Word comes to life:
 "Two are better than one....for if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falls; for he has no one to help him up".  Ecclesiastes 4:9 & 10.   

 I have also learned that there are people who are sent from God to be there for me whenever I begin to feel detached or moody or overly vigilant. They never criticize me, but instead are warm, loving, and nonjudgemental.  I cannot express how much I love them.  Do I feel shame in talking about this? Of course not. I am but a man who is trying to make it through life and I cannot successfully accomplish that if I live a life of fear and shame.  Where I am insufficient as a person, God is sufficient.  When I fall short it is He who helps me to become complete.  I pray that I will always be sensitive to His Spirit.
Have a good day and be safe in all you do.
Dennis

Reflecting On My Day

 There is nothing particularly out of the ordinary that occurred today.  David and I hung out again today.  We had a few errands to run; business at the VA hospital, giving my wife's car an oil change and a much needed wash, and going to Best Buy.  Everything turned out well; as if my very steps were being ordered by the Lord.  I was not under any pressure to do a specific thing, I was not being controlled by any clock, harassed by any deadlines, nor was I under the constraints of any person.  I felt like I was truly retired today. 
 Eddrenna's mother, Ms. Dorothy, remains under hospital care. What can one do but to love her and thank God for having the opportunity to have her as a part of our lives? She has always proven to be a fighter.  I believe the best thing anyone can do for her is to humbly submit prayers on her behalf.  The situation concerning the health of my wife's mother has brought about an expected tension in our home; however, I do not say this with any negative connotation, for we have no reason to argue over anything,  but today I was determined to shroud my home environment with peace and quiet and no stress and I realized, above all, that I needed to comfort my wife's mind in some way. I achieved this by having the climate cool inside the house, having the house clean and the bed comforter pulled back so that only the cool sheets were accessible.  I indulged in a book my sister, Cynthia, bought me for Christmas; Jay-Z's Decoded. (It is actually a very good read).  When Eddrenna arrived home I told her I would talk to her about anything but her job or the hospital situation and for once in a long time we both read books beside one another, listened to the local news. We both let the peace of God enter into our hearts and minds.  Outside the weather is hot and suffocating.  Inside our home it is cool, calm, peaceful and pleasant and Eddrenna was soon asleep.
 I pray that wherever you are today you find peace. I hope you, too, will experience the leading and guidance in your life that can only be attributed to a higher power- and that you will recognize it.  Let's not forget to slow down and exhale.

Join me in the pure atmosphere of gratitude for life. 
-Hafiz of Persia

I love you all.
Dennis

Living The Serene Life...with memories( In honor of Ms. Dorothy)

 I am on my front porch again.  It's a breezy, sunny, lackadaisical day here in my neighborhood.  David, Cat In The Hat and I went out earlier this morning.  There were some things I needed to get from Walmart. Oh, and I also had to get 3 5x8 glass panes for my garage door.  Let me explain; The last night of the Spain/White family BBQ this 4TH of July weekend was a killer.  There was me and Jr. and Alfred holding down the front porch with singing, shouting in the Spirit, and harmonizing our craft to a group of listeners held hostage. Meanwhile, in the African Room, (aka Movie Theater), was my brother, Vernon, and my baby sister, Cynthia with their spouses. Several other movie buffs from other parts of my home soon gravitated into the Theater. I eagerly joined them as they sat and relished about the vast Blu Ray collection I presented. (yes, I'm bragging),  They appeared to be having a good time.
In the back yard were primarily members of the White family; playing a game of badminton and eating and listening to music.
 In the garage was the Club Garage group. Club Garage is a concept that my second oldest brother, Alfred, had invented, and it was he and Victor's wife, Janice, who brought it into fruition in my garage that evening. We each have homes, and in our homes should be the solicitude, the happiness, the fun and the adventure which we seek everyday. Alfred has taught each of us to formulate a Club Garage and Alfred and Phyllis are always the key ingredient.
 That night in Club Garage, Vanessa White had mustered up a spades game. I had a table with a television and a Wii game with it in the background. Herbert Lance came up to me and presented me with a 50th anniversary multi-disk collection of STAX artist from the old days.  I plugged in my amp and microphone I put on the STAX CD in the boom box. At the first note of the music playing cards went up in the air and folks, (including the spades players), began clamoring for the microphone. That night we saw Tina Turner, O.C. Smith, Johnny Taylor, Stevie Wonder, and The Temptations; to name a few. It was an awesome night.  Earlier  I had tied a trash bag to the garage door track while the door was up.  This oversight resulted in a mishap which caused 4 glass panes in my garage door to break when I attempted to let the garage door down. What a night.
 My family decided that they would head back on the morning of the 4TH.  I had no contention towards that idea because it made perfect sense.  I always appreciated an extra day of rest before heading back to work.  Ms. Dorothy, in all of her Regal-ness, was driven up in front of my home by her granddaughter, Dorothea.   One by one my brothers came off the front porch to greet "Mommy"( as my brother, Junior, had so affectionately began to call her).   Jr. is one to give bear hugs.  Victor, one of the twins, told Jr. not to hug Ms Dorothy so tight because she was frail.  Ms. Dorothy told  Eddrenna that Jr. made her want to dance again. What a compliment.  All-in-all, it was a great visit; a good time to say good-bye.  We live, we love, and then we live again.
 Ms Dorothy suffered a stroke the next day.  I solicit the faithful prayers of the righteous.

Update: MS.Dorothy went home to be with the Lord on Sunday, March 5, 2012 at 6:15 P.M. She will be greatly missed by so many. 
 I Love you all.
 Dennis  

And Here We Are All Over Again

The miracle is not to fly in the air, or to walk on the water, but to walk on the earth.Chinese Proverb
 Whenever a new year dawns upon us there is so much revelry and rejoicing and partying and the making of resolutions.  We view the New Year as a time to start a new beginning; a chance to become better as a person, to take challenges we have been too fearful to approach before.  As our thoughts become primarily retrospective we are all too aware of how short and precious our lives are.  I have heard elderly people comment, "I have more years behind me than I do before me"; However,  the truth of the matter is that tomorrow is not promised to anyone.  The proverb tells us to eat, drink, and be merry but not at the expense of forgetting our God and our neighbors.  I see myself as a fortunate man.  I have a loving and understanding family, I have friends who I can talk to and pray with and discuss my thoughts with.  And if our opinions differ, we can still continue in a solid relationship that is based on respect and sincere love.  Friends, true friends, will not chide you for your beliefs. I have the greatest friends who honour my need to maintain a peaceful and stress-free environment. For this I am very thankful. 
 The morning is quiet and serene. We had a bit of rain last night or early this morning and it has caused a tranquility to blanket the entire neighborhood.  My David is home with me today.  He made his own breakfast all alone this morning, (under my supervision, of course).  He made pancakes, ham, and apple juice.  I love him so much and it is a blessing to see him excel daily after the doctor's despondent diagnosis of autism at age 2.  Many who have met David will agree that he is, indeed, an awesome child.  He will be 14 this month.
 As the Chinese proverb mentions at the beginning of my writing, the true miracle is walking on this earth.  It is not an easy feat.  Some people are never able to muster the courage to step out into life.  Yes, the world is unpredictable, harsh, big, mean, and a host of adjectives I do not have the luxury of reciting at this time, but you get the picture.  To those of us who have crossed over the threshold into living on this earth we have found that the utmost faith and belief in God is the beginning of our success and survival on this earth.  It is not an option, it is a prerequisite. On our journey we will also come into contact with both good and bad people.  We will have an immediate inclination to dismiss the very memory of our bad relationships, but as I learned in the military "we can learn from bad examples as well as good examples".   My prayer today is a simple one: I pray that all of my friends will slow down their breathing today and savor the richness of their lives.  Touch others  as if you will never see them again after today.  Let your kindness and giving supersede even your own expectations.  Do not look at the material possessions you possess for they will hinder you in your giving, but instead, believe that the earth is the Lord's and all that is within. He will provide your every need.  I recently witnessed this truth with my own eyes this past weekend, as well as several others.  God will take care of us as we care for one another.
 I am long-winded today, but what the heck. It's Friday.  I love you all.
Dennis

Another Road Trip Inside

 Yesterday was a road day. To begin with, that morning I had an appointment on business.  Later that evening as I began to relax, my wife received a phone call from a family member informing her of their mother's recent hospitalization.  We simultaneously got dressed, got fed, texted my family members and solicited their prayers, and set our sights towards Mother.  (The rest is family business, but I will tell you that mother is doing better).
 After returning, I was somewhat wired, (as I always am after a road trip), but I forced myself to go to bed at 3:30 a.m.   When I awoke later that morning I was thankful that I had the will to get up and become involved in my family's beginning of the morning.  My life is being filled with people who were once lost to me. I treasure and appreciate the opportunities I have been given.
 I have come out of my African Room to sit on my porch (Yes Victor, The Porch).  My front porch, as well as every other room in my home, was recently transformed into a reservoir of laughter, singing, jokes and old stories from my eldest brothers, Junior and Alfred.  (All of my older siblings carry the history of my family of origin in their heads).  The holiday weekend we had just shared was one filled with priceless memories.  No camera could photograph the love and the joy and the thanksgiving we all felt as we congregated with  one another.  
 Let me describe my feelings this morning, (to those of you who are stuck behind some desk or are not able to do what their hearts yearn to do daily):

The air is full of frangrace
The sun is bright
a cool breeze blows continuously
A landscaper's tools buzz in the distance on a nearby lawn
And I feel contentment.

  I am most thankful to God to have been blessed to see my siblings again, as well as so many friends and extended family.  Of course, everyone; from both sides was not there.  We have a large family and people have their own personal reason as to why they cannot attend some events.  I'm not mad at them.  It's a definite right that we all have and it would be a more powerful right if we all realized it.
I believe that next year will be even more memorable.  For many years the only situation that brought the Fayetteville Spain Family together was a funeral.  We had witnessed the unexpected death of my mother first; years later it was my father.  (There is so much that comes afterwards that it cannot be written on paper).   I do believe that our recent gathering was one that will become an annual tradition.
 If you find the time today I ask that you do this one thing for me; Take a few minutes to look around yourself. Notice only the people and nothing else.  Can you find some type of common ground with all of them?  (if you are alone, simply imagine a person(s) and go there).  We all have much more in common than we think we do.  If we could only get past appearances.
I pray your day is blessed,
I love you all,
Dennis

Caylee

“If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience.”

I was poised to write about my family's recent visit to my home.  I was prepared to talk about how great it was to see my brothers and sisters, their children, and other family friends.  I was ecstatic about going into the recording studio with them to sing on a new track. I was ready to talk about the great time we had for nearly 3 solid days.  But today a little girl named Caylee was forgotten by our legal system.  You see, 3 years ago someone took her and killed her and her remains were found months later bound with duct tape and discarded as trash.  Her mother, Casey, did not tell a soul that her daughter was missing until pressured to do so 31 days after her disappearance, and after 3 years a jury has declared Casey "Not Guilty".  O.J. got away with his crime for a time, but God will have his say with Casey as he did with him.  It is true that you reap what you sow.  

 I will talk about my family gathering on another day.  I just want to give this time, this day, to Caylee.

May God have mercy on our souls.

Love you all,

Dennis